Self Concept, Self Esteem & Self Confidence

Back in the cave person days, the humans focused only on survival. This meant having safe shelter at night, food to eat and not being attacked by a predator. Back than, the cave person’s brain focused on conserving energy and avoiding risks. Which means, our ancestors got a dopamine hit every time they were or felt safe.

The modern human brain is evolved, but the reward driven dopamine requirement is still in there. Also the speed of reward timing has changed. For most of the population on earth finding shelter and food is much easier now then it was back then. So we’ve adapted to finding new ways to get that dopamine hit – enter manifestation, the pursuit of goals and just having control over the chaos.

Our current society is little broken. We lack a sense of identity or tie it the wrong places (e.g. career, marriage or something else outside of ourselves). With the re-emergence of the idea of the “self concept” (thanks for social media which has amplified it) by adjusting our own understanding of who we are (or our self concept) we can quickly achieve anything we want.
Although the speed at which we can attain these goals can vary, I do believe that having a strong self concept can help us achieve goals, raise our vibrations and improve our brain’s neuron pathways for change and plasticity.

First let’s start with some definitions.

Self Concept is the belief and underlying image you have of yourself. It can initially be separate from your emotions or feelings but when it is enhanced by your underlying emotions – it is usually enhanced and can be ferociously strong and therefore something you strongly desire to attain. Self Concept can operate in your current 3D and can be used as a tool to attract a desirable state that you do not currently see in your 3D. (meaning Self Concept can be tuned beyond your current reality)

Self Image is literally how you see yourself in the 3D. This means self image is more about your current self, roles, characteristics and even how you look. Self image is shaped by your lived experience, memories and feedback – but its really how you think people view you.

Self Esteem is the emotional weight you have on your self image. Self esteem is often tied to how worthy you believe you are, or even how much respect you have for yourself. Self esteem is based on your internal standards and emotional responses – which means self esteem can be diminished based on how we judge ourselves but it’s helps us understand how we feel about ourselves.

Having an understanding about these are important because self-concept is the one that can be changed and repositioned to help manifest our goals. Neville Goddard spoke about this a lot in his work – specically about the “Law of Assumption”. And there are 3 main ways you can transform your self concept.

  1. Identify it
  2. Assume it is true
  3. Live from the end

Whether it’s affirmations, mirror talk, future self journaling/gratitude lists, embodying and living as that manifestation. Although I do most of these, I do feel that embodying the self concept I’m striving for is the most efficient way to achieve your desires. You aren’t necessarily waiting for something to happen, you are going out and making it happen in your current 3D.

Say you want to be an published author. Instead of thinking about it or trying to be inspired by reading about other authors – commit to behaving like one every day. Whether that’s writing one paragraph in your journal, typing 500 words from your outline or editing something you’ve written previously. Embodying the behaviours of an author or any goal you desire is the best way to improve your self concept and manifest your dreams.

Affirming it and be delusional about it happening (detaching from a the timing) is great but over sometimes we can get in our own head about things. A negative mindset hates a moving target, and our brains can’t tell the difference between a goal achieved and goal thought about – so might as well do both!

My Japan Trip Recap

Although I’ve undertaken a personal syllabus in Japanese wisdom over the years (such as shinrin-yoku, kaizen, etc) I never really thought about traveling to Japan.
Thankfully, my husband loves to explore and enjoys picking places to for us to adventure.

So in July, we spent 14 days in Japan, exploring Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka with a day trip to Mt Fuji and Hakone. The natural beauty and cultural experiences were definitely worth seeing/experiencing. But more than that, it was the little moments in between for me where I was able to take note of the people, the country’s history and how the society operates.

Of course travel opens you up to new perspectives, which in the cas of Japan can also make you see how their rules create resolutions for many daily challenge – a few included below:

  • There are no trash cans in Japan. They were all removed after a chemical gas attack that was hidden in a subway garbage bag. This means everyone carries their trash around until they get home (or back to the hotel for tourists). Which in part, keeps the country extremely clean.
  • Group harmony is ingrained in everyone’s personal responsibility. People form single file lines, are extremely organized, everyone sits to eat (as opposed to walk and eat), being quiet in public transit is expected and everyone makes the effort not to cause inconvenience to other people
  • Everyone has a job and no job is beneath anyone
  • People do not point with one finger or hand money to people/cashier directly in their hand (but rather placed in a tray)
  • Shoes are removed and face coverings are worn in clothing retailer fitting rooms so products remain clean
  • Senior citizens are very independent and self reliant. The amount of times I saw hunched over elderly slowly making there way up and down stairs in the subway system was amazing
  • Laziness is considered a disease (to the point where I rarely saw public seating in malls or underground shopping areas)
  • The society operates to create efficiency and convenience for it’s people. Hotels have ammenities bars so minimal packing is required by guests, 7/11 uses data insights to restock it’s shelves and fridges with fresh food items including sushi, trains always on time to the second & take away food is packed so well that even food delivery arrives without any spills
  • And even though this is last on the list, indoor square footage is a hot commodity. Having a hotel room more than 31 square meters is not the norm – mainly because Japan is a very densely populated country

Ok hoping that provides some future Japan tourists with a little taste but now on to the sight seeing. Japan felt a little like a video game (think: Animal Crossing lol). You spend the day walking, seeing/buying/gachapon’ing beautiful things. You take in beautiful sights and get food points through out! With that said, if you are travelling with multiple family members (think: grandparents and their grand kiddos) – I would say these are the must sights to see:

  • Sky views: Shiodome Caretta, Umeda 360, Shibuya Scramble, Shibuya sky or any of the city towers
  • Snack runs a all the Konbinis (7/11, Family Mart, Lawson)
  • Cultural experience like chopstick carving, sushi making, Sumo fight, Japanese artist galleries or a Kimono/Samurai tea ceremony
  • Shrines (pick a few as there MANY!)
  • Interesting neighbourhoods in Tokyo: Shinjuku & Harajuku etc
  • Gashapon (but be careful it’s addictive)
  • Shopping (make a list but if anything you should definitely window shop)
  • Teamlabs
  • Station markets
  • Book a driver for the day and see if you can catch a glimpse of Fujisan
  • Food Markets
  • Day trip to Nara
  • Ride the bullet train
  • Castles & Palaces

Planning Japan was my hobby from 6-11pm in the evenings leading up to the trip. And because Japan is such a popular destination right now (thanks to TikTok) booking certain attractions require advance reservations (such as TeamLabs, Shibuya Sky etc).

Hoping this recap provides some inspiration and pro tips for your Japan Trip!

How you dress is a reflection of your personal reality

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a personal conviction to leave my house “dressed up”. I would always have my make up done, my accessories on point and ready to take an outfit shot #OnceAFashionBloggerAlwaysAFashionBlogger.

But along came motherhood, a pandemic, all sorts of geo-political situations and the desire to feel put together was cast aside. I lost “my why” or at least felt it was drowned out by all the noise around me.

However a few years ago, I remember leaving the house with a baby tow and in a very unflattering outfit (think: saggy sweatpants and uggs) feeling extremely embarrassed at the thought of running into anyone, that I vowed to never do that to myself again. It wasn’t the “running into” someone that bothered me, it was “I don’t care about myself” mentality that made me realize that in fact I do care about myself (a lot!).

How you dress is a reflection of you personality. And your personality is just your personal reality. Dr Joe Dispenza’s theorizes that our thoughts, feelings and actions (including how we dress, present ourselves etc) shape our personal reality. If the action of dressing your best forms your personal reality – a strong connection could be made for dressing in a way that represents your best and highest self – whether that be aligning your personal reality to that promotion, business owner, professional athlete or just a hot mom ;)

In all honestly, it’s been a journey to find my personal style again, but it’s fun to shop my closet, save outfit ideas on Pinterest or invest in some great pieces.

Some days I love what I’m wearing, and I sometimes still leave the house in an outfit that doesn’t hit the mark – but I’m giving myself grace (as one should!)

In an attempt to keep myself motivated, sharing a few reasons why I choose to dress well in hopes that it will inspire others to rethink their own style journey.

  1. Demonstrates confidence: How we dress creates an impact on how we are perceived by others but also how we perceive ourselves. Luckily confidence can be cultivated and is usually starts with self-love and self-care. An easy way to figure to show yourself love is buy wearing things that make you feel confident. But what outfits make you feel confident?
    An outfit that fits well and feels good – is a great place to start. Next your follow your intuition as it tell you pretty quickly that an outfit will increase your confidence. You’ll have a pep in your step, you’ll stand taller, you’ll radiate a sparkle and you won’t even need to look in a mirror to confirm – you’ll just feel it
  2. Attracts positive attention: Call it what you will: “first impression”, “pretty privilege” or “divine feminine” – dressing in a way that exudes these attributes will get you some stares but it will also give you power. You will also be perceived as more competent which in turn builds trust and credibility. I know some people will say “but we shouldn’t be judge by our appearance” but unfortunately it happens – so why not use it to your advantage. People will be drawn to you, doors will be held open for you, friendly conversations and kind stranger interactions will be had. This is all to say is that you’ll be surrounded by positivity. And in today’s world – sprinkling more positivity into our day is a MUST!
  3. Encourages creative self expression: I love to be artistic – and being creative with outfits is a form of self expression just as making a painting, junk journaling or photography would be. We all have a unique identity and show casing it in how we dress allows us as individuals to express that uniqueness and experiment with our creativity.

5 top ways to be more confident in your career

One thing about me, is if I can share my wisdom I will.  I do a lot of mentoring in my corporate girlie life.  And I also look for opportunities to be mentored.  I’ve had a few great mentors over the years who have guided, protected and propelled me – so I really feel passionate about giving back.

Sometimes, those mentors are in my company, in my personal life or even virtual.

So consider me your virtual mentor!  I hope these tips can help you exude more confidence in your job, career, big dreams and beyond.

  1. Don’t take personalities or communication styles personally
    I find that as adults making friends is a hit or miss. There is such a mix of characters and preferred ways of interacting that we can be friendly with some and frenemies with others. The same applies in the workplace. There is also a mix of personalities and communication styles (cultures and genders can add to the bag). Remind yourself that when people are being direct, it is not personal.
  2. Stop putting others on a pedestals
    If you think other people around are better or smarter than you, because of a certain job title, project they are on or experience – they probably arent. And you can prevent the feeling of under confidence by not assuming people are better than you purely based on what you see. Remember everyone is going through something, even if you can’t see it.
  3. Assume you are doing well (unless you are told otherwise)
    Managers have a responsibility to have transparent conversations with their employees about work activities and performance. So unless you are being told otherwise, assume everything is going well!
  4. Remind yourself its not that serious
    Perspective is important. Remember if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend 5 seconds thinking about it. Zoom out and get a higher point of view. Put in an honest effort, but don’t lose sleep or miss your breaks/PTO because of it.
  5. Reframe your negative thoughts into positive ones
    We often think the worse in every situation. It actually takes more effort and energy to negative than positively. If you feel like you are asking too many questions, remind yourself that you want to have clarity. But also if you get feedback that at first stings, take it as an opportunity to improve.

b-roll is life

Google what b-roll is and you’ll see that “it is essential in narrative features to create a sense of time and place and to add layers of meaning to a story.”

When we think about life, we think mainly about the starting points and accomplishments.  But we hear so very often to “enjoy the ride”.  The ride could be any combination of the daily mundane, errands, simple pleasures and maybe even stumbles.  And it’s the ride that is b-roll.  As someone who is a creative and who is constantly documenting life – I know that b-roll is life.

 

If you want this… practice that

I was able to get over a summer reading slump with a fast paced thriller – which I thought meant I could then start another book that peaked my curiosity.  I love personal success and personal dev books (unfortunately, they are also the cause of me being 1 book behind schedule on my “read 12 books in 2023” self-set challenge).  

OOTD, Fit Check, 40s Fashion, Summer Style, Fashionista, Spiritual Advice, Self Care, Personal Success, Printed Skirt, Blazer Vest, Nude Shoes

Skirt & Body Suit – Reitmans | Shoes – Call it Spring | Blazer Vest – Suzy Sheir | Purse – Target

Although I also believe these types of book don’t necessarily help someone, unless that person actually executes on said advice.  However, books can be eye opening and for me personally I like to spread the word so to speak.  Whether it helps me create content for this blog, a caption for an IG post or an insightful tweet, I feel it lets me help raise the vibration of this planet, even if the wisdom only reaches 1 other human.

OOTD, Fit Check, 40s Fashion, Summer Style, Fashionista, Spiritual Advice, Self Care, Personal Success, Printed Skirt, Blazer Vest, Nude Shoes

Anywho, the reason why I shared that thought process was because if you are out there and you are not sure you should share you idea, opinion or art (remember as long as you aren’t hurting anyone) – you should do it anyway.  When we share something, we always put our own unique spin on it – which inherently makes it compliment the millions of other ideas that already exist.  So in conclusion – I may not execute on everything I read in a personal success book, but I’m sure to share the wealth of knowledge!  But because I want to continuously up my creative game (this?), I need to get more comfortable with sharing (that!)

OOTD, Fit Check, 40s Fashion, Summer Style, Fashionista, Spiritual Advice, Self Care, Personal Success, Printed Skirt, Blazer Vest, Nude Shoes

On the note of sharing… I’m also sharing a quick list on how to raise your vibes when you want to get to the next emotional level/frequency.  Want to read more on this topic, check out more from my blog: here, here and here.

Abundance ↔ Gratitude

Joy ↔ Service to Others

Freedom ↔ Laugh More

Calm Mind ↔ Nature Walk

Intuition ↔ Meditation

Peace ↔ Journal

Confidence ↔ Self Compassion