How you dress is a reflection of your personal reality

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a personal conviction to leave my house “dressed up”. I would always have my make up done, my accessories on point and ready to take an outfit shot #OnceAFashionBloggerAlwaysAFashionBlogger.

But along came motherhood, a pandemic, all sorts of geo-political situations and the desire to feel put together was cast aside. I lost “my why” or at least felt it was drowned out by all the noise around me.

However a few years ago, I remember leaving the house with a baby tow and in a very unflattering outfit (think: saggy sweatpants and uggs) feeling extremely embarrassed at the thought of running into anyone, that I vowed to never do that to myself again. It wasn’t the “running into” someone that bothered me, it was “I don’t care about myself” mentality that made me realize that in fact I do care about myself (a lot!).

How you dress is a reflection of you personality. And your personality is just your personal reality. Dr Joe Dispenza’s theorizes that our thoughts, feelings and actions (including how we dress, present ourselves etc) shape our personal reality. If the action of dressing your best forms your personal reality – a strong connection could be made for dressing in a way that represents your best and highest self – whether that be aligning your personal reality to that promotion, business owner, professional athlete or just a hot mom ;)

In all honestly, it’s been a journey to find my personal style again, but it’s fun to shop my closet, save outfit ideas on Pinterest or invest in some great pieces.

Some days I love what I’m wearing, and I sometimes still leave the house in an outfit that doesn’t hit the mark – but I’m giving myself grace (as one should!)

In an attempt to keep myself motivated, sharing a few reasons why I choose to dress well in hopes that it will inspire others to rethink their own style journey.

  1. Demonstrates confidence: How we dress creates an impact on how we are perceived by others but also how we perceive ourselves. Luckily confidence can be cultivated and is usually starts with self-love and self-care. An easy way to figure to show yourself love is buy wearing things that make you feel confident. But what outfits make you feel confident?
    An outfit that fits well and feels good – is a great place to start. Next your follow your intuition as it tell you pretty quickly that an outfit will increase your confidence. You’ll have a pep in your step, you’ll stand taller, you’ll radiate a sparkle and you won’t even need to look in a mirror to confirm – you’ll just feel it
  2. Attracts positive attention: Call it what you will: “first impression”, “pretty privilege” or “divine feminine” – dressing in a way that exudes these attributes will get you some stares but it will also give you power. You will also be perceived as more competent which in turn builds trust and credibility. I know some people will say “but we shouldn’t be judge by our appearance” but unfortunately it happens – so why not use it to your advantage. People will be drawn to you, doors will be held open for you, friendly conversations and kind stranger interactions will be had. This is all to say is that you’ll be surrounded by positivity. And in today’s world – sprinkling more positivity into our day is a MUST!
  3. Encourages creative self expression: I love to be artistic – and being creative with outfits is a form of self expression just as making a painting, junk journaling or photography would be. We all have a unique identity and show casing it in how we dress allows us as individuals to express that uniqueness and experiment with our creativity.

Book Review: Station Eleven

I first heart about this book in 2018 or 2019, but I don’t think I was ready for it back then.

Firstly I was re-finding my footing as an artist. I was definitely more into sci-fi tech than dystopian. And I was also much younger (…with age comes wisdom!)

But this book is spectacular. And the themes of this book (namely: pandemic and dismantling of society) are right on point of the 2020-2022 years.

TLYBlog_BookReview_StationEleven

This book (for me) was a beautiful intertwining of some important ideas in my life right now: art, family, human interaction, humanity and even how the brain works.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel is a hauntingly poetic view of humanity’s resilience in the face of collapse. The novel captures the lives of several characters before and after the world as we know it ends. At its heart, the story is a meditation on what it means to survive—not just physically, but emotionally and culturally. Station Eleven is focused on the power of art and the fragility of life and socio-economic norms while urging us to reflect on what truly matters.

As always (and because I’m a girl who loves a good quote) sharing some of the quotes that I dogeared in the paperback:

  • and these collection of petty jealousies, neuroses, undiagnosed PTSD cases, and simmering resentments lived together, travelled together, performed together 365 days of the year. But what made it bearable were the friendships, of course, the camaraderie and the music and the Shakespeare, the moments of transcendent beauty and joy when it didn’t matter who’d used the last of the rosing in their bow or anyone slept with.
  • There had always been a massive delicate infrastructure of people, all of them working unnoticed around us, and when people stopped going to work, the entire operation ground to a halt. No more trains running under the surface of cities on the dazzling power of the electric third rail. No more cities. No more films, except rarely, except witlessly, except for the handful of people who happened to have a generator and a collection of DVDs. No more flight. No more towns glimpsed from the sky through airplane windows, points of glimmering light. No more internet. No more social media, no more scrolling through litanies of dreams and nervous hopes and photographs of lunches, cries for help and expressions of contentment and relationship-status updates with heart icons whole or broken, plans to meet up later. No more reading and commenting on the lives of others, and in so doing, feeling slightly less alone in the room. No more avatars.
  • What was lost in the collapse: almost everything, almost everyone but there is still such beauty.
  • “What do you plan to do with it once it’s done?” “Surely you’ll try to publish it?” [the beautiful response] “it’s the work itself that is important to me” [in agreement] “I think that is so great, its like the point is that exists in the world” [in retaliation] “what’s the point of doing all that work” [in response] “It makes me happy, it’s peaceful, spending hours working on it. It doesnt really matter to me if anyone sees it”
  • What do you live for? Truth and beauty.
  • Hell is the absence of people you long for
  • He getting trapped by iPhone zombies. People half his age, who wandered in a dream with their eyes fixed on their screen. He jostled into them on purpose.
  • You probably encounter people like him all the time – high functioning sleepwalkers. …People like him think work is supposed to drudgery punctuated by very occasional moments of happienss, but when I say happiness I mostly mean distractions. …He realized now that he too had bee half-sleep throught hte motions of his life, not specifically unhappy but when was the last time he found joy in his work. He wish he could go back to the iphone people he had jostled and appolgoize to them. I’m as minimally present in this world as you are.
  • FIrst we want to be seen, but once we’re seen that’s not enough anymore. After that, we want to be remembered.
  • Why did we always say we were going to shoot emails? I used to write THX, would it have taken too much time and effort to punch in an extra three letters and just say thanks!
  • In Shakespeare time, the wonders of technology were still ahead, not behind & far less had been lost.

Life is a game, and here is how you win!

About a year ago, we got the Nintendo Switch and I’ve been obsessed! And not with Just Dance, Definitely not with Mario Cart…but actually with Animal Crossing. Animal Crossing is a cute sims game and offers the most relaxing and chill game environment ever. If you look up this game on reddit, you’ll read things like “relaxing”, “de-stressing” or “cozy-gaming”.

So after many months of playing this sims game it’s become apparent to me that video games are like life. And what an interesting concept (read: philosophy) to consider. Because if games can be won, that means life can be won to!

Now you don’t have to be a gamer, but this should resonate with everyone… Below I’m sharing 5 tips on how to win in the game of life!

Tip # 1: You can choose your avatar

Before you start any game, you get to select who you want to be, what you want to look like, where they live, what tools they have and how they will represent you in the game. Life is no different. Every day you wake up, you can create your avatar. You can choose how you want to dress (so you align with your goals, convey a message and be your ideal self), what you’ll do (your goals, aspirations similar to the “dailies” in a sims game) and how you’ll speak or behave (so you can express yourself in a confident, happy or way that radiates the energy you want to portray). All of this is to say, you have complete control over yourself and how you show up. You can decide one day you want to change things up, go after new goals or refocus/re-heal for your own betterment.

Game of Life - Pic your avatar_Pinterest
via Pinterest

Tip # 2: The rules can change at any time

Just like a video game, life has it own experiences, norms and goals. Characters can build habits and patterns. But things can change at any time (whether thats the game or your character). In video games, we’ve seen a new character appear, a new challenge can present itself or you can lose the round. But once the game restarts, you are back up to where you left off. The same is true for life. Our brains have the ability to create new neural networks based on our choices to learn and improve. If yesterday didn’t go as planned, you still have the knowledge and experience to do better today. When a new day starts, it’s an opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone. Which in a way is “unlocking” a new level of you (or your character *wink*). You get to make better decisions, try new routines and approaches to win the round, achieve your goals and magnetize the reality you want.

Game of Life - Your own rules_Pinterest
via Pinterest

Tip # 3: Choose your own adventure

In a game, we seek new challenges, experiences and quests. Life should be the same. We should dedicate our real life to the pursuit of goals, creating new value and levelling up. Don’t get me wrong – we do not need to make major changes overnight, but small incremental upgrades or tweeks to how live our life (ie play the game) can make big changes in the long run. All this to say that we can reinvent who we are and what we want to do at anytime. And the stories that we told ourselves yesterday do not have to guide who we are tomorrow.

Game of Life - Choose your adventure_Pinterest
via Pinterest

Tip # 4: Every moment is one to watch?

As a gamer you are the creator and the consumer of your avatars life. It’s is joyful to experience but also interesting to see. Life should be the same. Every moment should be magical and romanticized so you realize you “get to do all these things” instead of “have to”. In some video games you can take screenshots or even avatar perspective photos. The same should be happening in your real life. Capture and document everything. Whether it’s a time lapse of you working, a collage of you on vacation or a quick shot of your fav morning beverage – why not make it a moment to remember!

Game of Life - Document everything_Pinterest
via Pinterest

Tip #5: You have to be present

In our current world, multi tasking has become the norm. Cooking dinner while watching a show. Going for a run while listening to a podcast. Eating while reading a good. And for sure some habit stacking routines are beneficial, but there needs to be a case for being present. In a video game, you cannot use both your hands on a joy-con/joy-stick and text your friend. You cannot pay attention to your next move in the game while doing your nails. And you most definitely wouldn’t play a game if you were driving. Your thoughts have to be focused on the task at hand, whether that’s jumping to avoid an obstacle or smashing bricks to destroy a villian. Even more so, in life staying in the present by focusing your thoughts on the current moment is key to creating your reality. By staying in the present moment and focusing on the now (instead of the past or future) we are essentially being observers in our own reality (think: the wave / particle experience, yourself being the observer). We have the opportunity to shape outcome and create our destiny just by being fully present.

Game of Life - Be Present_Pinterest
via Pinterest

Evening Skincare Cocktail

Creating a skin care routine is the best thing I’ve done for my skin and my self care routine. After a few months of experimentation I’ve been able to find a combination of vitamins (in the form of serums) to help my skin restore, replenish and rejuvenate over night.
…Enter my evening skin care cocktail ;)

I like to switch up the products to address different aspects of skincare. Doing this is actually called “skin cycling”

Multi Peptides + Copper, Hyaluronic acid, Multi Peptide Lash/Brow Serum, Creamy Eye Treatment, Water Cream

Beauty Elixar, Nacinamide, Retinol, Ultra Hydrating Night Mask or Dewy Skin Cream

Nacinamide, Hyaluronic Acid, Caffeine Solution (eyes), Eye Repair cream, Hyaluronic Moisture Cream

I like to use both mid level and drug store products. But finding what works did take some trial and trial. ;)
Adopting a skin care routine is a personal practice. What I love about my routine is that it isn’t a 20 step routine. Some days can be a little more elaborate, but I always have this 5 minute routine for my every day!

8 course menu in a Cave!

I’m not a foodie, but I know trying new restaurants with friends is a love language.

The three core pillars of a restaurant experience are: ambiance, service, food (aesthetics high up on priority).

I’m also someone who will go to a new restaurant, not for the food – as a priority, but for the vibes. I love seeing and surrounding myself with beautiful things. So of course, gorgeous restaurants and how the chef’s make art on a plate are no exception.

My friend and I recently checked out And / Ore and it was spectacular. We specifically went to the Below Ground dining room.

And / Ore did not disappoint. From the moment we entered we were treated with a friendly smile, courteous service and beautiful things to look at everywhere.

The Below Ground dinning room offered an 8 course tasting menu. I had seen pictures of the plates online and thought I’d have to grab a pizza afterwards (lol). But little did I know that 8 little plates would really add up!

The presentation of the food (and the taste of most dishes) were amazing. And just check out the view of the inside, it’s like you are in an actual cave!

If you haven’t been then I highly recommend it. The menu is seasonal and uses local ingredients so I plan on going again with the Hubz.

Would love to hear of any new restaurant experiences in Toronto – do share in the comments!


Love & Light
B

Think Again by Adam Grant (my favourite ideas from the book)

I recently read Think Again by Adam Grant, and I annotated a lot. Here are the annotations. Hopefully they spark some interest in you to think again (or at least read the book!)

  • When people reflect on what it takes to be mentally fit, the first idea that comes to mind is usually intelligence. The smarter you are, the more complex problems you can solve – the faster you can solve them….yet in a turbulent world, there’s another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: the ability to rethink & unlearn
  • When it comes to our own knowledge and opinions, we often favour feeling right over being rights
  • When we think and talk, we often slip into the mindsets of three different professions: preachers, prosecutors and politicians…We go into preacher mode when our sacred beliefs are in jeopardy: we deliver sermons to protect and promote our ideas. We enter prosecutor when we recognized flaws in other peoples’s reasoning: we marshal arguments to prove them wrong and win our case. We shift into politician mode when we’re seeking to win over an audience: we campaign and lobby for approval of our constituents.
  • In psychology there are at least 2 biases that drive [our thinking]: Confirmation bias – see what we expect to see [and] the other is desirability bias: seeing what we want to see.
  • What set apart great presidents was their intellectual curiosity and openness.
  • Research shows that when people are resistant to change, it helps to reinforce what will stay the same. Visions for change are more compelling when they include visions of continuity. Although our strategy might evolve, our identity will endure.
  • In theory, confidence and competence go hand in hand. In practice, they often diverge.
  • The Dunning-Kruger effect – when we lack competence that we are most likely brimming with over-confidence
  • Advancing from notice to amateur can break the rethinking cycle. As we gain experience, we lose some of our humility.
  • Confidence Sweet Spot = Confident Humility
  • Attachment. That’s what keeps us from recognizing when our opinions are off the mark and rethinking them. To unlock the joy of being wrong, we need to detach.
  • If you want to be a better forecaster today, you need to let go of your commitments of the opinions you held yesterday.
  • Productive disagreement is a lifeskill none of us fully develop. Research shows that how often parents argue has no bearing on their children’s academic, social or emotional development.
  • In good fights are the tension is intellectual not emotional
  • Skilled negotiators: find common ground > ask questions > provide a # of reasons > defend attacks
  • After establishing the drawbacks of her case, she emphasized a few reasons to hire her anyway: But what I do have are skills that can't be taught. I take ownership of projects far beyond my pay grade and what is defined in my scope of responsibilities. I don't wait for people to tell me what do and seek for myself what needs to be done. I invest myself deeply in my projects and it shows in everything I do, from my projects at work to the projects I do in my own time. I'm entrepreneurial. I get things done. I love breaking new ground and starting with a blank slate.
  • As a general rule: its those with greater power that need to do more of the rethinking.
  • When we try to convince people to think again, our first instinct is usually to start talking. Yet the most effective way to help others open their minds is often to listen.
  • Inverse Charisma (the magnetic qualities of a great listener): a sense of being listened to with such intensity that you had to be your most honest, sharpest and best self.
  • As consumers of information, we have a role to play. When reading, listening or watching, we can learn to recognize complexity as a signal of credibility. We can favour content and sources that present many sides of an issue, rather than just one or two. When we come across simplifying headlines, we can fight out tendency to accept binaries by asking what additional perspectives are missing between these extremes.
  • In productive conversations, people treat feelings as a rough draft. Like art, emotions are works in progress. As we gain perspective, we revise what we feel.
  • We need to encourage students to question themselves and one another.
  • Lectures are entertaining and informative, the question is whether they are the ideal method of teaching. […] they actually gained more knowledge and skill from active learning sessions (sending students off to find answers instead of the teacher showing the students how to arrive at the answer). It required deeper mental effort, which made it less fun but led to deeper understanding.
  • Perfectionists are more likely than their peers to ace school, they don’t perform any better than their colleagues at work.
  • Respond to confusion with curiosity and interest aka “give time to your confusion”
  • Encourage children to do multiple drafts of the same drawing.
  • Psychological safety is the foundation of a learning culture
  • Best practices in corporate imply that we’ve stopped learning, […] instead we should looking for “better practices”
  • When psychological safety exists without accountability, people operate within their comfort zone.
  • Change the ownership of psychological safety. (ex: if she says that it’s not safe to launch, the team should prove that it is safe to launch)
  • Sometimes the best type of grit, is gritting your teeth and turning around.
  • It’s easy to be a scientist: it’s simply the act of experimenting