Self Concept, Self Esteem & Self Confidence

Back in the cave person days, the humans focused only on survival. This meant having safe shelter at night, food to eat and not being attacked by a predator. Back than, the cave person’s brain focused on conserving energy and avoiding risks. Which means, our ancestors got a dopamine hit every time they were or felt safe.

The modern human brain is evolved, but the reward driven dopamine requirement is still in there. Also the speed of reward timing has changed. For most of the population on earth finding shelter and food is much easier now then it was back then. So we’ve adapted to finding new ways to get that dopamine hit – enter manifestation, the pursuit of goals and just having control over the chaos.

Our current society is little broken. We lack a sense of identity or tie it the wrong places (e.g. career, marriage or something else outside of ourselves). With the re-emergence of the idea of the “self concept” (thanks for social media which has amplified it) by adjusting our own understanding of who we are (or our self concept) we can quickly achieve anything we want.
Although the speed at which we can attain these goals can vary, I do believe that having a strong self concept can help us achieve goals, raise our vibrations and improve our brain’s neuron pathways for change and plasticity.

First let’s start with some definitions.

Self Concept is the belief and underlying image you have of yourself. It can initially be separate from your emotions or feelings but when it is enhanced by your underlying emotions – it is usually enhanced and can be ferociously strong and therefore something you strongly desire to attain. Self Concept can operate in your current 3D and can be used as a tool to attract a desirable state that you do not currently see in your 3D. (meaning Self Concept can be tuned beyond your current reality)

Self Image is literally how you see yourself in the 3D. This means self image is more about your current self, roles, characteristics and even how you look. Self image is shaped by your lived experience, memories and feedback – but its really how you think people view you.

Self Esteem is the emotional weight you have on your self image. Self esteem is often tied to how worthy you believe you are, or even how much respect you have for yourself. Self esteem is based on your internal standards and emotional responses – which means self esteem can be diminished based on how we judge ourselves but it’s helps us understand how we feel about ourselves.

Having an understanding about these are important because self-concept is the one that can be changed and repositioned to help manifest our goals. Neville Goddard spoke about this a lot in his work – specically about the “Law of Assumption”. And there are 3 main ways you can transform your self concept.

  1. Identify it
  2. Assume it is true
  3. Live from the end

Whether it’s affirmations, mirror talk, future self journaling/gratitude lists, embodying and living as that manifestation. Although I do most of these, I do feel that embodying the self concept I’m striving for is the most efficient way to achieve your desires. You aren’t necessarily waiting for something to happen, you are going out and making it happen in your current 3D.

Say you want to be an published author. Instead of thinking about it or trying to be inspired by reading about other authors – commit to behaving like one every day. Whether that’s writing one paragraph in your journal, typing 500 words from your outline or editing something you’ve written previously. Embodying the behaviours of an author or any goal you desire is the best way to improve your self concept and manifest your dreams.

Affirming it and be delusional about it happening (detaching from a the timing) is great but over sometimes we can get in our own head about things. A negative mindset hates a moving target, and our brains can’t tell the difference between a goal achieved and goal thought about – so might as well do both!

43 lessons for my 43rd birthday

A few weeks ago I celebrated my birthday and realized that it’s been a while since I’ve done a birthday post! (ok almost 10 years ago)

So in celebration of my 43rd birthday, here are 43 lessons that have provided me with guidance, disciplined my days and provided motivation when I needed it most <3

  1. Energy is everything
  2. Everything is multiplied by gratitude
  3. Know that it will turn out better than expected
  4. Your mindset is the gateway to every transformation
  5. People aren’t thinking about you, they are thinking about themselves
  6. You are free to reinvent yourself at anytime
  7. Friendships change. Nurture the ones that feel like growth and remember not everyone grows with you
  8. Stop relying on external validation
  9. Laugh more
  10. Your standards above everything (decide your future and teach others how to treat you)
  11. When you feel lost, ask yourself “what would my most abundant/higher self/happiest self be doing”
  12. Protect your piece (because if it costs you your peace, its too expensive)
  13. When others judge, it’s based on their own lived experiences and biases
  14. Healing is a journey (it isnt pretty and it doesnt mean you won’t be triggerd – because you will be, but it’s worth it every time you act from a place of self awareness and compassion for yourself and those who may trigger you)
  15. Trust your intiution
  16. If you aren’t willing to risk the unusual, you’ll have to settle for the ordinary
  17. Find a spiritual practice that works for you
  18. Don’t expect from others what you can’t do for yourself first
  19. Clean up what you consume (offline, online, people, experiences, drama – becomes who you are)
  20. Stop watching mainstream news
  21. Confidence is actions first, feelings later
  22. Travel to learn more about the world and yourself
  23. Everything in moderation, including moderation
  24. Embody your feminine power
  25. Train your inner dialogue (Mirror self talk is the best way to start your morning, you can still be humble and hype yourself up)
  26. Embarrassment is the ticket to evolution
  27. Let your be mentored by your highest self
  28. Put yourself out there
  29. The life you love will look very different than what you thought
  30. Celebrate your own damn self (buy yourself the flowers, always have chilled champagne in the fridge, give yourself the 5 love langugaes)
  31. You don’t get what you want, you get what you are
  32. People will behave from the level on consiousness they are at
  33. Keeping promises to yourself is the first step in building confidence
  34. Every situation is an opportunity for growth
  35. Ego is loud, confidence is silent
  36. Compliment yourself daily (Dress confidently, the world benefits when you show up as your boldest self)
  37. Upgrade your self worth (You get what you believe you deserve)
  38. You get what you identify with not what you desire (self concept over everything)
  39. If you want better friendships, be a better friend to yourself – the right people will feel like peace, not performance
  40. feelings of shame keep you focused on your identity, accountability keeps your fixed on what you do
  41. take yourself out on solo dates
  42. It’s not about being busy, but doing the work that aligns with YOUR goals
  43. Detach from outcomes, fall in love with the journey instead

5 top ways to be more confident in your career

One thing about me, is if I can share my wisdom I will.  I do a lot of mentoring in my corporate girlie life.  And I also look for opportunities to be mentored.  I’ve had a few great mentors over the years who have guided, protected and propelled me – so I really feel passionate about giving back.

Sometimes, those mentors are in my company, in my personal life or even virtual.

So consider me your virtual mentor!  I hope these tips can help you exude more confidence in your job, career, big dreams and beyond.

  1. Don’t take personalities or communication styles personally
    I find that as adults making friends is a hit or miss. There is such a mix of characters and preferred ways of interacting that we can be friendly with some and frenemies with others. The same applies in the workplace. There is also a mix of personalities and communication styles (cultures and genders can add to the bag). Remind yourself that when people are being direct, it is not personal.
  2. Stop putting others on a pedestals
    If you think other people around are better or smarter than you, because of a certain job title, project they are on or experience – they probably arent. And you can prevent the feeling of under confidence by not assuming people are better than you purely based on what you see. Remember everyone is going through something, even if you can’t see it.
  3. Assume you are doing well (unless you are told otherwise)
    Managers have a responsibility to have transparent conversations with their employees about work activities and performance. So unless you are being told otherwise, assume everything is going well!
  4. Remind yourself its not that serious
    Perspective is important. Remember if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend 5 seconds thinking about it. Zoom out and get a higher point of view. Put in an honest effort, but don’t lose sleep or miss your breaks/PTO because of it.
  5. Reframe your negative thoughts into positive ones
    We often think the worse in every situation. It actually takes more effort and energy to negative than positively. If you feel like you are asking too many questions, remind yourself that you want to have clarity. But also if you get feedback that at first stings, take it as an opportunity to improve.

6 ways to maintain your sanity while achieving your goals

The internet has been a buzz for several years with words like #BossBabe and #She-EO – all of which sound incredibly hazardous because as of recently they are also followed by themes of burnout and mental wellness.

I love being ambitious and setting goals that I work towards.  But I also strive for balance and grace.  And I think being both a mom (at home) and a mentor (in my corporate career) I feel compelled to underline the truth: give yourself grace because you can have it all…but not at the same time!   Sharing my suggestions below, with a mini recap of some outfits I wore on vacation recently (you know me, all about the inspiration & motivation!)

Outfit mirror shot, vacation outfit, bathroom selfie, give yourself grace while you ambitiously work on your goals

 

  1. Plan ahead and prioritize: Whether it’s on a Sunday for the week ahead, in the morning before things get going or a Friday afternoon brain dump.  Take time to think about what you need to focus on and figure out what needs to get done when.  You plan to fail when you fail to plan – check out my digital planner page on Etsy if you are looking for a great planning tool.
  2. Time Block your schedule: whether its timeblocking your day or your week, figure out what you want to work on when instead of trying to multi task.  Even better, try and fully complete the work you planned on before starting something new.  You’ll get a natural dopamine kick and you also won’t feel scattered from having too many unfinished tasks on your to-do list at the end of the day. 
  3. Let the Pomodoro timer be your best friend: I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again.  When you feel stressed or anxious about doing something – set a time for 20 minutes and do as much of that task in time alotted.
  4. Take breaks (both physical and mental): This is something I learned from running but it applies to everything! Literally schedule it into your gCal or planner.  I always block my workouts and my lunch, but now I need to add a morning and afternoon walk.
  5. Give yourself grace: Sometimes we all need a reminder.  Ambitious people tend to be perfectionists, but it’s okay because you can’t overwhelm yourself and do your best work – it just doesn’t work that way.
  6. Release limiting beliefs: Sometimes we feel guilty for doing less, not doing things fast enough or not doing it right the first time.  It’s important to work through that (everyone’s journey is different) – but it all cases, those ideals need to be demolished! Knowledge is power, and these book recommendations can help :) 
Chichen Itza, Mayan Ruins, Mexico travel, Tulum Travel, Outfit ideas, Ambitious woman, successful, life is rigged in my favour

A guide to our happy chemicals

I recently read an article about the happy chemicals our body produces and I realized I wanted to have this information live permanently on my blog for my future reference! (and of course for anyone else who may find this useful!)

I’ve always had an interest in personal growth and how we naturally tend to support ourselves so this topic is right up that alley. So sharing each happy chemical, what it does and how to activate it. Please be sure to like, comment and share!

(Scroll to the bottom for outfit details)

Serotonin – Stabilizes our mood

  • Deep breathing
  • Meditating
  • Walking in Nature
  • Go for a run

Endorphin – Pain Relief

  • Laughing
  • Dancing
  • Stretching
  • Essential Oils

Oxytocin – Building love & trust

  • Hugging somone
  • Giving someone a compliment
  • Helping someone
  • Playing with a pet or a child

Dopamine – Reward & Motivation

  • Finishing a task (hack: ANY task no matter how big or small)
  • Eating your favourite meal
  • Listening to music
  • Practicing self care

Dress – Urban Behaviour | Sunglasses – Amazon | Shoes – Call it Spring | Purse – Channel

You don’t need perfection to inspire

Happy Thursday! Lately I’ve noticed a shift in my confidence.  In my desire to get out of my comfort zone, meet people, wear all the jewelry, be extra and bold in my style choices & courage in my work and personal goals. So today I’m sharing some words that really resonated with me recently.  Along with some fit shots from a few days ago… Enjoy! 

Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate

Imperfection is a form of freedom

Let your process, your struggle and your progress inspire others.

You don’t need perfection to encourage those who are watching you

Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate
Inspire others, progress over perfection, OOTD, Have fun, that girl, Motivate