Self Concept, Self Esteem & Self Confidence

Back in the cave person days, the humans focused only on survival. This meant having safe shelter at night, food to eat and not being attacked by a predator. Back than, the cave person’s brain focused on conserving energy and avoiding risks. Which means, our ancestors got a dopamine hit every time they were or felt safe.

The modern human brain is evolved, but the reward driven dopamine requirement is still in there. Also the speed of reward timing has changed. For most of the population on earth finding shelter and food is much easier now then it was back then. So we’ve adapted to finding new ways to get that dopamine hit – enter manifestation, the pursuit of goals and just having control over the chaos.

Our current society is little broken. We lack a sense of identity or tie it the wrong places (e.g. career, marriage or something else outside of ourselves). With the re-emergence of the idea of the “self concept” (thanks for social media which has amplified it) by adjusting our own understanding of who we are (or our self concept) we can quickly achieve anything we want.
Although the speed at which we can attain these goals can vary, I do believe that having a strong self concept can help us achieve goals, raise our vibrations and improve our brain’s neuron pathways for change and plasticity.

First let’s start with some definitions.

Self Concept is the belief and underlying image you have of yourself. It can initially be separate from your emotions or feelings but when it is enhanced by your underlying emotions – it is usually enhanced and can be ferociously strong and therefore something you strongly desire to attain. Self Concept can operate in your current 3D and can be used as a tool to attract a desirable state that you do not currently see in your 3D. (meaning Self Concept can be tuned beyond your current reality)

Self Image is literally how you see yourself in the 3D. This means self image is more about your current self, roles, characteristics and even how you look. Self image is shaped by your lived experience, memories and feedback – but its really how you think people view you.

Self Esteem is the emotional weight you have on your self image. Self esteem is often tied to how worthy you believe you are, or even how much respect you have for yourself. Self esteem is based on your internal standards and emotional responses – which means self esteem can be diminished based on how we judge ourselves but it’s helps us understand how we feel about ourselves.

Having an understanding about these are important because self-concept is the one that can be changed and repositioned to help manifest our goals. Neville Goddard spoke about this a lot in his work – specically about the “Law of Assumption”. And there are 3 main ways you can transform your self concept.

  1. Identify it
  2. Assume it is true
  3. Live from the end

Whether it’s affirmations, mirror talk, future self journaling/gratitude lists, embodying and living as that manifestation. Although I do most of these, I do feel that embodying the self concept I’m striving for is the most efficient way to achieve your desires. You aren’t necessarily waiting for something to happen, you are going out and making it happen in your current 3D.

Say you want to be an published author. Instead of thinking about it or trying to be inspired by reading about other authors – commit to behaving like one every day. Whether that’s writing one paragraph in your journal, typing 500 words from your outline or editing something you’ve written previously. Embodying the behaviours of an author or any goal you desire is the best way to improve your self concept and manifest your dreams.

Affirming it and be delusional about it happening (detaching from a the timing) is great but over sometimes we can get in our own head about things. A negative mindset hates a moving target, and our brains can’t tell the difference between a goal achieved and goal thought about – so might as well do both!

Six tips on how to become a Renaissance Woman 

Oxford Online Dictionary* defines a Renaissance Woman “as a woman with many talents”.

And Britannica.com describes the Renaissance period to have been characterized by a surge of interest in learning, exploration, science (like the realization that the Earth revolved around the Sun) classical wisdom and arts.

And the arts really took center stage during the Renaissance due to the convergence of humanism and economic conditions that supported and encourage the progress of making art.

Something about Renaissance really speaks to me. I think its the “being able to enjoy one’s many interests” that I want to embody. As generalist, in a professional setting and a multi-passionate in my personal life, I inherently gravitate to the idea of enjoying as many hobbies & passions as possible.

That can be curse and a blessing. A blessing because you get to pursue everything that you feel is beautiful in life, a curse because you may never feel fulfilled.

So here are a few tips that I use to continue to balance all of my interests (be a modern Renaissance Woman if you will) while actually being present in my life!

  1. Make a list of all of your interests, Blue sky thinking is the key here, then prioritize ruthlessly. Figure out what you actually want to do sooner rather than later. Keep this list hand
  2. Taking your highest priority interests and schedule them as activities (in your Google calendar, planner, outlook etc) during the week/month/year or seasons. This way, you can prioritize your high value activities, create repetition – which in turn improves progress towards your interest. Actually scheduling time and by finding small pockets in your calendar to pursue your interests can really show the balance and helps move things forward. As an example, I have specific times of the week that I will work on blog content, go to pilates or use my duolingo app to learn a language.
  3. Make some interests a habit, I used a Habit tracker app to track that I make time to paint 3 times a week, do my skin care daily and even read 10 pages.
  4. Of the un-prioritized interests, be ready to defer to the future! This means some interests may not be pursued in the coming month or other timeframe you are expecting. This is a character building choice, which although allows time for obligatory activities or responsibilities, and helps you learn to give yourself grace.
  5. If a particular obligation or responsibility cannot be avoided – master it! (e.g. cooking or doing activities in your business/career that you don’t particularly appreciate or enjoy). For me, that’s cleaning – but knowing how to clean (instead of outsourcing it or ignoring the cleaning) is important for my kids to see what an all rounded woman is.
  6. Do not allow yourself to become creatively jealous. With short form content all around us, this will require you to have discipline not to doom scroll YouTube shorts or Instagram reels).
    Remember what you see here is just a highlight reel and what may seem like a quick victory is actually years of mastery. Instead focus on your own goals and interests, and if you do want to watch the content – be inspired by it!

My fav quote from “What I talk about when I talk about running”

I recently read “What I talk about when I talk about running” by Haruki Murakami. If you are runner, I’m sure you’ve stumbled upon this as a book to add to your TBR. I found it beautiful! Haruki Murakami’s stoic sharing of running as an act of meditation, resiliency and goal setting completely resonated with me. And because he took those themes and applied them to being an artist (him being a writer) was the icing on the cake for me.

The book is a very easy read and can be easily finished in a day. For me, books really come alive when they have ah-ha moments – really good quotable parts of the text that make me stop and write down what I read. Here are a few of those moments (and moments of me running as well!)

Commute & Read (Library Books as much as possible)

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school.

I’m the kind of person who likes to be by himself. To put a finer point on it, I’m the type of person who doesn’t find it painful to be alone. I find spending an hour or two every day running alone, not speaking to anyone, as well as four or five hours alone at my desk, to be neither difficult nor boring. I’ve had this tendency ever since I was young, when, given a choice, I much preferred reading books on my own or concentrating on listening to music over being with someone else. I could always think of things to do by myself.

Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself.

People sometimes sneer at those who run every day, claiming they’ll go to any length to live longer. But I don’t think that’s the reason most people run. Most runners run not because they want to live longer, but because they want to live life to the fullest. If you’re going to while away the years, it’s far better to live them with clear goals and fully alive than in a fog, and I believe running helps you do that. Exerting yourself to the fullest within your individual limits: that’s the essence of running, and a metaphor for life.

Sometimes taking time is actually a shortcut.

Being active every day makes it easier to hear that inner voice.

I just run. I run in void. Or maybe I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void

How you dress is a reflection of your personal reality

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a personal conviction to leave my house “dressed up”. I would always have my make up done, my accessories on point and ready to take an outfit shot #OnceAFashionBloggerAlwaysAFashionBlogger.

But along came motherhood, a pandemic, all sorts of geo-political situations and the desire to feel put together was cast aside. I lost “my why” or at least felt it was drowned out by all the noise around me.

However a few years ago, I remember leaving the house with a baby tow and in a very unflattering outfit (think: saggy sweatpants and uggs) feeling extremely embarrassed at the thought of running into anyone, that I vowed to never do that to myself again. It wasn’t the “running into” someone that bothered me, it was “I don’t care about myself” mentality that made me realize that in fact I do care about myself (a lot!).

How you dress is a reflection of you personality. And your personality is just your personal reality. Dr Joe Dispenza’s theorizes that our thoughts, feelings and actions (including how we dress, present ourselves etc) shape our personal reality. If the action of dressing your best forms your personal reality – a strong connection could be made for dressing in a way that represents your best and highest self – whether that be aligning your personal reality to that promotion, business owner, professional athlete or just a hot mom ;)

In all honestly, it’s been a journey to find my personal style again, but it’s fun to shop my closet, save outfit ideas on Pinterest or invest in some great pieces.

Some days I love what I’m wearing, and I sometimes still leave the house in an outfit that doesn’t hit the mark – but I’m giving myself grace (as one should!)

In an attempt to keep myself motivated, sharing a few reasons why I choose to dress well in hopes that it will inspire others to rethink their own style journey.

  1. Demonstrates confidence: How we dress creates an impact on how we are perceived by others but also how we perceive ourselves. Luckily confidence can be cultivated and is usually starts with self-love and self-care. An easy way to figure to show yourself love is buy wearing things that make you feel confident. But what outfits make you feel confident?
    An outfit that fits well and feels good – is a great place to start. Next your follow your intuition as it tell you pretty quickly that an outfit will increase your confidence. You’ll have a pep in your step, you’ll stand taller, you’ll radiate a sparkle and you won’t even need to look in a mirror to confirm – you’ll just feel it
  2. Attracts positive attention: Call it what you will: “first impression”, “pretty privilege” or “divine feminine” – dressing in a way that exudes these attributes will get you some stares but it will also give you power. You will also be perceived as more competent which in turn builds trust and credibility. I know some people will say “but we shouldn’t be judge by our appearance” but unfortunately it happens – so why not use it to your advantage. People will be drawn to you, doors will be held open for you, friendly conversations and kind stranger interactions will be had. This is all to say is that you’ll be surrounded by positivity. And in today’s world – sprinkling more positivity into our day is a MUST!
  3. Encourages creative self expression: I love to be artistic – and being creative with outfits is a form of self expression just as making a painting, junk journaling or photography would be. We all have a unique identity and show casing it in how we dress allows us as individuals to express that uniqueness and experiment with our creativity.

Review of “The Art of Banksy” Toronto Exhibit

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to check out the Banksy Exhibit. The exhibit was well organized and laid out. There was a bar (although no drinks were allowed inside the exhibit) and both a general and VIP admission ticket.

Some interesting things I learned about Banksy and his art:

  1. His art represents geo and socio economic issues with a side of dark humour and satire
  2. He is known for using street and concrete as his canvases
  3. His stencils are potential evidence for vandalism crime
  4. One of his art pieces was a theme park called DismaLand
  5. No body knows who Banksy really is

30 ways to get 1% better

Sharing 30 actionable ways to get 1% better starting today. Sometimes when I’m in a slump I start making sure I’m doing these things.

  1. wake up early
  2. read daily
  3. eat well
  4. love yourself
  5. judge less
  6. be yourself
  7. set goals
  8. plan your day
  9. positive attitude
  10. have purpose
  11. find inspiration
  12. love others
  13. network
  14. save money
  15. automate tasks
  16. track finances
  17. build a brand
  18. interact
  19. fail forward 
  20. dress your best
  21. invest
  22. journal
  23. be productive
  24. think ahead
  25. teach others
  26. do more
  27. spend wisely
  28. educate yourself
  29. have ambitions
  30. just start now