THEIR digital footprint

Posted on September 23, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

I made the decision about 3 weeks ago to go back to one of my first decisions as a parent, that is to NOT post my children’s pictures online.

(What sparked this re-decision? My older child telling me that I couldn’t post her baby pictures online as part of a birthday post about her on Facebook. What had happened was I had shown her the draft post and she said she didn’t want me to share the baby pictures. And I did it anyway. But this is my chance at doing right).

I originally decided this back in 2013-2014 because I didn’t want their privacy to be taken away. If I did post a picture, it would be a creatively composed photo as to not show details of their face. It was a lot of fun (from a creative standpoint) but also it felt like the right thing to do i.e. protect them.

But I slowly released my grip on on this idea (particularly on my private/personal IG and Facebook accounts) because I mean everyone posts their kids pictures online without a second thought right? What harm could it really cause?

And that I realized… we don’t know what we don’t know! We don’t actually know what harm it could cause!

Firstly, what we do know is that social media is making our society less social, more concerned with things that aren’t any of our business and obsessed with vanity metrics (likes and followers). Which in turn is bringing up a myriad of mental health issues, feelings of isolation and a constent need to “keep up with the Joneses”.

With all that said, there are some real positives to social media. There is a sense of community, a great place to share and receive inspiration and the memes can really brighten your day :) but the long term use of social media is still unknown. I mean, we don’t really know what having all that content, pictures, opinions and thoughts online will be like for us in the future. What effect it will have on us? And how future tech will be able to utilize all that data.

Secondly I’m ALWAYS reviewing and questioning my OWN online footprint. I’m always wondering if I am over sharing or putting something out there that I wouldn’t say in real life. And part of the answer is yes, because it’s easier to talk to a screen then be social (I feel like that’s a modern day human condition but also because I’m an introvert).

But in my own case, at least I can make changes, evaluate my online sharing and adjust as needed. But for what I’ve shared of my kids? Well they don’t/didn’t really have a say nor did they get a chance to adjust because I’ve been posting about them and because they aren’t online yet.

There is a sense of guilt (welcome to motherhood) with my kids pictures being up for the last 2-4 years, and unfortunately those will probably be up forever.

And for that I’m truly sorry girls!

Part of being a parent is improving and being better. Parenting for me is a journey and requires a lot of mindfulness. And this is one of those opportunities. It’s a chance to realize my mistake and fix it.

Do you share your kids pictures/achievements/tantrums online? Have you ever thought about how it would effect them into adolescence and adulthood?

Book Review – What I know For Sure

Posted on September 16, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

A few weeks ago I finished the book “What I know For Sure” by Oprah. I really enjoyed reading it. It felt like I was reading the journal of an older sister or mentor. I felt like taking pictures of every paragraph or sentence of paragraph that gave me that “aha” feeling. I soon realized that I’d be taking more pictures than actually reading and appreciating the book.

I was never an Oprah fan. Well I wouldn’t say I am now either. I do watch the occasional Soul Circle video on Instagram and listen to an episode of her podcast here or there. I don’t think I would ever go to her live talks though (just because I am not the biggest fan of concerts and large audience events). But when a smart, successful, creative, mindful, ambitious, knows-what-she-wants-and-goes-after-it woman immortalizes her experiences and thoughts into a book – yep for sure I’ll be all over that.

The book is all the wisdom Oprah gained from when she was very young to her current age. Life lessons, inspiration, revelations and thoughtful trinkets. It’s the kind of book that I’d want to buy (yep I borrowed it from the library) and fold page corners, highlight and bookmark so much of this book because the advice is relatable and genuine.

Here are a few lines that I want to share:

On reading…

I now consider reading a good book a sacred indulgence. […] What I know for sure is that reading opens you up, exposes you and gives you access to anything your mind can hold. […] Reading gives you the ability to reach higher ground. And keep climbing.

On Resiliency…

The only way to endure the quake is to adjust your stance.

On Gratitude…

What you focus on expands. When you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.

On doing your life’s work…

I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.

Check out the other books I’ve ready in 2019!

Fall back into Action!

Posted on September 3, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been see; depart, be lost, but climb” // Edna St. Vincent Millay

I love September! Fresh start, crisp mornings, new recipes, tall boots, beautiful fall photography :)

September has always felt like the start of a New Year of Learning. And although I no longer am in school or formal education, it’s important for me to remember that I should continue to grow and learn. I try to do this as often and as easily I can by: doing new things, reading books, listening to podcasts/Ted Talks or simply by changing my perspective to understand a topic more deeply. I often forget that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or confused some days. It’s on those days that I need to take a time to rest and recover but also not forget to keep my goal in mind and continue to scale that mountain.

I am taking this this upcoming month to fall back into action! I want to get back into good routines and stay focused. I put together this checklist to keep me motivated and ahead of my goals as we move into the colder months!

Going to weddings with our kiddos

Posted on July 4, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

The last 2 weekends were spent busy with weddings. It’s definitely a different season of life we are in, as we are attending weddings as parents of two children.

Nowadays, we always come prepared with snacks and dinner (as food is usually not served at kid friendly times). We usually need to bring a stroller. Most of the rules we have at home go out the window for the night (i.e.: sure have some more cranberry juice, no veggies on your plate no problem!) Sitting on the floor to watch the bhangra performance is a rite of passage for a child at Indian weddings.

If you think taking kids to a wedding is a chore – you are right because you can’t really enjoy the wedding. Well that’s not entirely true sometimes you have friends and family who help out but usually it means you are leaving no later than 11:15pm. But taking your kids to a wedding (if it’s been approved by the bride and groom of course, usually Indian weddings are) is a perfect opportunity to practice teaching your kids respectful behaviour (i.e.: to be silent during the speeches or sitting still for a little longer than normal).

I personally know this time is FLEETING. There will come the day when my kids will say “nah we don’t want to come!!” :roll:

So I’ll enjoy taking them along while they don’t know they have a choice ;-)

Fireside chat with a group of working moms

Posted on May 20, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a fire side chat hosted by a panel of working moms.

I am in a phase of my life where I look for inspiration from other moms, namely other working moms. I love receiving advice on how to find a complementary lifestyle between career and home, but also other important facets of one’s life like hobbies, fitness and personal growth.

Being in a technology / software development industry, I mainly hear from women in IT. But this group of mom’s was different kind of panel: they were a group of working mom’s in health care.

Yep doctors…! The type of people who give up their lives for the wellness of others. Surprisingly, what they deal with as mom’s is the same as what every other mom deals with!

Thought I’d share some of the topics that were discussed:

Ask for help: Everyone’s need and type of help is different, but the important thing is to actually be okay with asking and accepting help. For some of us it can be full time paid help (like a nanny / daycare) or it could be having a baby sitter two times a month to help out for date night. One idea that I hadn’t thought of is befriending other parents. Invite your child’s friends over for playdates and work on those parent friendships – they could come in handy when you are in a pinch.
Sacrifice: Every day is a sacrifice when you are mom who works outside of the home. (Hell when you are a mom period!) You are either a great mom and not giving your career your everything or you are a killing it on the career front and neglecting your duties at home. One thing to remember is that your kids will be okay and better for it seeing you pursue something that challenges you and makes you feel happy. Ditch the guilt and quiet the voices.
Time away from your career: Taking a mat leave will effect your career or business – there is no doubt about that. Your career and business will struggle during mat leave and afterwards for a bit. That’s inevitable! Create a plan to figure out how you want to move up and keep your eyes on the prize.
Plan when to have your babies: There is no right time but having a solid handle on your finances will help.
What motivates you to keep going in your career: All the mom’s had really interesting reasons so I feel the need to share them all:
- “I felt a need to do something just for me”
- “I wanted to provide for my kids, give them the things I couldn’t have in my childhood”
- my passion became my purpose”

How to be a good mom? (it’s not what you think)

Posted on May 12, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

Who agrees with me that we should rename mothers day to Mother Figures day.

We need to be more understanding to the people who don’t have a mom, to the people who’s relationship with their mom is strained at best, to the people who dread this day because it makes them feel inferior, to the people who’s dad’s, grand parent, step parent, foster parent, aunt/uncle are mother figures, to the mom’s who just want a moment of quiet without the feelings of guilt and definitely to the mom’s who don’t think they are doing anything right (when they are actually doing everything right!)

If there is anything I’ve learned in the almost 5 years of being a mom is that it’s a thankless job. It’s both exhilarating and anxiety inducing. It’s a job where you have to be flexible and ready to change to keep growing and build something real. It’s a job where you have to remain calm when everything is chaotic. A job where transparent communication are critical to success. A job where you have to lead with love (especially on the days you want to punch a wall or throw your coffee mug at a window).

But with all that said it doesn’t take a certain type of person, certain type of pregnancy, birth experience or even a certain type of upbringing to be a good mom.

To be a good mom you just have be a good human.

So if you are a good human or you know a good human who deserves a treat (mom, mom figure or non mom) hopefully you can find some inspiration below :)

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