Book Quotes: Lean In by Tara Henley

Corporate Girlie, Career Woman, Working Mom, Lean Out, Lean In, Nature, Balance, Work Life Harmony, Family and Friends, Forest Baths
Corporate Girlie, Career Woman, Working Mom, Lean Out, Lean In, Nature, Balance, Work Life Harmony, Family and Friends, Forest Baths

I read “Lean Out” last year, and as you can imagine – it pokes holes in the lean-in narrative.  I was never able to get behind or even read lean-in.  It didnt sit well with me (even though I had only heard about it in passing).  The quotes below are the reason why I would rather lean out.

Pg 38 – As I did, the dispair of the city seeped in through my pores, rearranging the molecules in my body and plunging me into darkness.

Pg 39 – In societies with a massive gab between the rich and the poor, everyones physical health suffers, even the rich…  Likely caused by lack of social cohesion.  A result of severed connections.

Pg 53 – I was primmed to seek my solace here, among the trees.

Pg 54 – Shinrin-yoku (forrest bathing), essentially meditation in wooded settings have been shown to reduce stress chemicals….those who spent time in nature inhaled plant-based compounds that increased white blood cells. Forest walks have been proven to relieve confusion.

Pg 63 – What exactly would life look like if it was not lived in fast forward? What would it mean to live simply, slowly and in harmony with the natural world?  Was there anyone who was leaning out?

Pg 64 – Every day on the bike trip is like the one before – but it is also completely different.  Or perhaps you are different, woken up in new ways by the mile.

Pg 67 – The model of the modern cosmopolitan woman, whose lifestyle is now as oppressive as her job.  She works until 1am, and is so harried she barely has time to chew her 12 dollar chopped salad she buys every day at her Sweetgreen (served up in record time by fevered clerks “as if it were their purpose in life to do so and their customers purpose in life to send emails for sixteen hours a day with a brief break to snort down a bowl of nutrients that ward off the unhealthfulness of urban professional living”)… The salad represented a kind of idea for a creative class. It was a symbol of…you work all f—— day and you just do everything as efficiently as possible, including your lunch….and the workers handling ticket orders like they were stock brokers.  This monstrous efficiency struck me as so upsetting.

Pg 68 – For what Barre is truly good at is “getting you in share for a hyper-accelerated capitalist life”… These classes prepare you “less for a marathon than for a 12 hour workday, or a week alone with a kid and no child care, or an evening commute on an underfunded train”.

Pg 73 – “Just because we care about our children, and our parents and the environment, doesn’t mean we we don’t want make our mark on the world and bring our creative magic”.

Pg 81 – There are of course, lots of other reasons to eat: pleasure, identity, ritual & community

Pg 113 – I think we should not be focusing on everyone having a job, we should be focusing on everyone being able to survive with the bare necessities.  He thought we were waking up to the lie of advertising… a “manufactured inadequacy” that made people believe they were not complete

Pg 124 – Early retirement helps the planet because it gets the fortunate people to consume less fossil fuels and natural resources.

Pg 127 – Like many gen-x’ers who came before the age of the internet, I missed the way time used to feel.  The vast expanse that was the weekend, with it’s stretches of uninterrupted hours.  The deep contemplation of staring out a window, or sitting on a bus. The luxuriousness of being out in the world for hours, days even, untethered from work, unimpeded by the pressure to respond to texts and emails and social media.   Free to think, and be, and focus on what was in front of you.  Which was, generally, other people. People who were similarly focused, similarly engaged.  There were other things I missed, too. Phone calls, neighbors, walking down the street without people steering into me absentmindedly, engrossed in their phones.
The whole character of public space, really. What it felt like to sit in a café before we all had to listen to each other’s work calls, made in that exaggerated professional voice everyone uses. Eye contact and casual conversation; not sitting in isolated islands, hunched over devices, in thrat to flickering lights. What friendship felt like before social media, and dating before texting and apps. Punctuality. Privacy. Newspapers, long attention spans, foldout maps.  The experience of being lost in a city, unaccounted for.  Boredom, even.

Pg 138 – A love born out of shared pain, but also shared joy. At managing to make something beautiful from this mess.  At putting pain into words, and having those words mean something to someone else.  Easing someone’s pain, in however small a way.

Pg 143 – The digital world now felt utterly inescapable “even if you dont want to participate, all you are really doing is putting your head in the sand”

Pg 144 – Facebook founders knew that they were building systems that exploited a vulnerability in human psychology – and went ahead and did it anyway….God only knows what what it does to [our] brains.  The short-term dopamine-driven feedback loops are destroying how society works. Leading to a lack of civil disclosure, misinformation and mistruth.

Pg 148 – The ever intensifying industrialism: wide spread surveillance in our pockets, colonization of wilderness, indigenous lands and our mindspace.  When you are connected to wifi, you are disconnected from life.  It’s a choice between machine world and the living breathing world.

Pg 152 – What gave me joy was pretty simple: waking up everyday without an alarm, reading all the books on my nightstand, eating when I was hungry, rest when I was tired, moving my body everyday, being outside and cooking for those I cared about <3

Pg 172 – There is a Western mindset of more more more.  Of packing too much into too little time.  Of doing instead of being.  Of rushing around all of the time.  Going forward, I knew I must find a way to dwell in the calm.

Pg 177 – Throughout history, we have needed each other to hunt and gather, to defend against attacks from animals and other humans, and to brave the extreme weather conditions. But now, as we buy prepackaged meals, live alone in secure, climate controlled condos – that need is no less powerful.  We are still hardwired for connection and interdependence.  And when we don’t have it – we sink into despair.

Pg  178 – Of course I feel anxious in a society where a homeless man could stand outside a gourmet grocery store, largely ignored, selling community newspapers to make enough money for a sandwich, while mega-mansions a few blocks away sat empty and unused.

Pg 186 – There is a snowball effect to loneliness.  Brain scans show that lonely people are suspicious of social contact, perpetually scanning for threats.  On a subconscious level, they know nobody is looking out for them, so they become hyper-vigiliant. Which in turn makes them hard to be around.

Pg 198 – Our brains are wired for collaboration, cooperation. Serving others gives us a rush of oxytocin and the sense of belonging so many of use are lacking these days.  It goes back to tribal life, and how much we’ve always depended on each other for survival.  And it’s why experts often suggest volunteering to people who are suffering.  These days, volunteer work has gone the way of other work, becoming intensely bureaucratic, competitive and all consuming.  But applying to become a volunteer was, I soon discovered, exactly like applying for a job. 

Pg 202 – Profound healing is possible.  Probable even, under the right conditions.  But in order to foster these conditions we have to stop telling the story of healing as one of individual triumph, and start acknowledging the role of the tribe.  We have to focus on what we must do for each other, instead of what we must do for ourselves.

Pg 209 – So Senghor dove into autobiographies, looking to see how other people had overcome adversity, how other people had healed.  

Pg 220 – The concept of home is a tricky one in the 21st century.  For those of us born with Western passports, there are now endless options for how and where to live.  This mobility is a gift an a curse.  As globalization spreads, we of fortunate birth fan out, following the jobs from one country to the next, loosing each other as we go.

Pg 234 – What they eventually discovered was that in the US, if you wanted to become happier, you did something for yourself.  You buy something, you show off on instagram, you work harder.  Where as in more communal countries, if you wanted to make yourself happier, you did something for someone else: friends, family, community.  We have an implicitly individualistic idea of what it means to be happy, they have an instinctively collective idea of what it means to be happy. 

Pg 249 – What are our needs for happiness? [quoted by the mayor in Happy City]: We need to walk, we need to be around other people, we need beauty.  We need contact with nature, and most of all, we need not to be excluded.  We need to feel some sort of equality.

Pg 250 – Connecting the dots on the epidemic of overwork and anxiety had not led me to unplug from society, leaving a trail of helpful tips for readers in my wake.  It had instead led me here, to the most pressing issue of our time: economic inequality.

Pg 253 – I’m talking about the psychosocial effects of inequality.  Feelings of superiority and inferiority.  Of being respected and disrespected.  Status competition.   Which he believes is also driving the consumerism in our society.  Which leads to widespread feelings of insecurity, even violence.

Pg 256 – The ideology of MarketWorld is defined as a rising powerful elite (of people) operating on contradictory impulses – both to do well and to do good, to change the world while also profiting from the status quo…. We talk a lot about giving more, we don’t talk about taking less.

Pg 263 – Facebook has solved harder problems than this.  Companies like Facebook have the imagination and the resources to implement better leave and flexibility in working hours so parents don’t have to choose between their children and their careers.  It may come as a cost initially, but the return on investment will be more women staying in the workplace, higher employee satisfaction and the knowledge that we are doing right be our people and children.  

Pg 263 – Sandberg’s upbeat philosophy then, disregards the crushing realities of the current labour market for women.  I believe telling women to raise their hands and try harder in the open sea of hostility we face in the workplace is like handing a rubber ducky to someone hit by a tsunami (Katherine Goldstein, a former lean-in advocate turned critic).  It inadvertently encourages us to internalize our own discrimination, leading us to blame ourselves for getting passed over for raises, eased out of our jobs, not getting called for job interviews and being denied promotions.

Pg 263 – the biggest lie of lean in is the underlying message that bosses are ultimately benevolent, that hard work is rewarded and that if women shed the straight jacketof self doubt, a meritocratic world awaits…. this is untrue.  We have Sandberg fretting about the “ambition gap” and to work up to the very moment we give birth…and then resume emailing from the hospital beds immediately afterwards.  What kind of life is that?

Pg 264 – If we are honest about it, if we look at the actual numbers, overwork is essentially taking all of our precious life energy – all the hours we could be spending with family, laughing with friends, learning new hobbies, getting out into nature, exercising our bodies, eating home cooked meals, sleeping, participating in our communities and creating real change – and converting all of that time and energy into profit. Profit in fact, for a very small group of people.

Corporate Girlie, Career Woman, Working Mom, Lean Out, Lean In, Nature, Balance, Work Life Harmony, Family and Friends, Forest Baths
Corporate Girlie, Career Woman, Working Mom, Lean Out, Lean In, Nature, Balance, Work Life Harmony, Family and Friends, Forest Baths

Remember to lean into your Divine Feminine Energy

Sometimes women get stuck in their toxic masculine energy.  This can be because of many factors but it all comes down to our fast paced lifestyle, being out of sync with the moon cycles, lack of community and not using our hands (aka holding a tiny black screen all day!).  

Which manifests for some women as:

  • feeling stressed all the time
  • being in flight or fight mode for years
  • operating from a point of fear
  • the need to control everything

But it’s very easy for us women to return to our natural state and divine feminine energy.

Credit

Here are 3 ways to nurture your Divine Feminine and call back your natural receiving energy.

  1. Be creative – This means making something with you hands. Can be art, can be a meal, knitting, writing/journaling, doing your make up/hair
  2. Spend time in nature – Being within the trees, walking barefoot in the grass, try to aim for 10-30 minutes in the sun and within the trees. We need to do a more concerted effort to reconnect with mother nature.
  3. Learn to say no – As women we often obligated to do things for others, take care of others and put ourselves last on the priority list. We often feel bad saying no and feel like we need to handle more than we can – it creates bitterness and resentment. Start practicing saying no today. It will be the first step in healing the the wounded feminine.

Annual Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

I’m definitely not one of those moms (read: momfluencers) who plans gram worthy photoshoots at the farm.  Honestly I’d rather engage my kids in a 500 piece puzzle or take an early morning trip to the art gallery.

But once or twice a year, we head out to our local neighbourhood farm to support their small business.

The girls enjoyed “getting lost” in the corn maze and searching for the perfect pumpkin.  The fresh air and crisp air really got us in the autumn mood!

Pumpkins, Pumpkin patch, Barrel, Farm Visit, green grass, Gord, mini pumpkins

Activities to build mindfulness into my day

As a working mom, blogger, etsy shop owner, wife, home owner – I’ve become really aware of how mindfulness plays into my day.  My ability to focus, being intentional, doing this without rushing and not multi-tasking.  I know mindfulness is important to me because it’s helped me have a greater enthusiasm for life and higher self esteem.  Read on to learn some activities I’ve started incorporating mindfulness to help me observe my thoughts & practice the art of leisure

Mindful art / art therapy

I’m still guilty of multi tasking. But I’ve found when I’m making art (painting, mixed media, photography) I don’t actually multi task! Making art is a great way to express myself beyond words. It encourages us to be present in the moment & experiences, through noticing the sensations we are experiencing as well as how our art (the way the paint moves or how the picture I just captured looks on my digital display) responds to our input.

Listening to solfeggio music:

Ever step into a spa and feel immediately relaxed? Spas help you relax because of their environment. And part of that environment is the music! I recently found solfeggio music and how the different tones can help you promote benefits to different parts of the mind and body. The use of tones and frequencies music dates back to ancient Sanskrit chants (read: Om) but the modern science is fascinating. Apparently DNA become more healthy (ie show increased UV absorption) when they were exposed to different tones (such as the Sanskrit chants). Further research confirmed that the certain frequencies of the Earth’s ionosphere matched that of the human brain wave patterns! (Notably the frequency that encourages cell regeneration & healing) Most musical instruments were tuned to match the earth’s vibrational frequency so by default listening to solfeggio music (specifically designed to recreate the earth’s & human brainwaves) can help you feel at ease and change the your DNA!

Deleting social apps

Mindless scrolling is the most obvious of activities to remove from your day. I delete social media apps which immediately stops the scrolling for no reason. This then improved productivity because I am more focused!

Anytime gratitude & visualization as often as I can

Being able to take control of your self talk/the voices in your head is an important way to be mindful. Not letting negative self talk run a muck in your mind can be prevent by training yourself to see the good (have gratitude) and be positive (visualize something that would be help you think the opposite of the negative self talk).

Current listings on my Etsy Shop – Part 1

I’ve realized recently that I need to do a better job of sharing more about my shop (my Etsy Shop that is)!

I guess some history to start. In 2016, I participated in the Vaughan of a Kind show #VOAK. I applied as an artisan vendor, with my photography as my art. The application process was pretty involved (application, your story and samples of your work) but overall do-able.

The entire process of applying and being accepted to the fair made me and my photography feel part of something. I felt supported – like making my art and sharing it with the world was safe to do.

With all that said, I wasn’t anticipating how much work it would be to prepare for the show. Although it might have felt like more work as I was a new-ish mom (about 2 years in) so finding time to prepare was a challenge.

You can read more about my experience and tips here.

I did have a positive experience as a seller at the show, and immediate decided that I wanted to continue selling my photography art. I turned to e-commerce and Etsy was up and coming at the time so I went that route.

And again, I had a rude awakening as Etsy was harder to maintain than I expected, especially as I shortly there after became a mom to two. During those first few years, I did make a couple (read: 2 lol) sales and I shipped off physical products to my customers!

So I let my listings expire… until a few months ago when I decided to switch from a physical product to a digital product.

And now here I am, starting again with a beginner’s mindset who has a little more experience and better time management practices. I’ve been using youtube to learn more about Etsy and leaning into my Digital Marketing education to help me make the most of the online advantage. I’m trying new things which makes me feel good. So without further ado, my current Etsy shop listings!

Bhangra Life PNG/SVG

This a new product type for me but something I’ve wanted to put out there. I have so many ideas in this area, just working on some designs and colours. PNG/SVGs can be used for any personalized products and home printing (like cricut). I love the idea of gifting this to a Bhangra dancer or my husband 😆

Surfer Digital Print

I took this photo during a family trip to San Diego. My kiddo was sleeping as we were driving towards La Jolla, when I realized the sun was setting across the water. While the fam waited in the car, I ran to the shoreline to grab some pics. It was so dreamy that a surfer was there so I had to capture the moment. I love this piece for because with the muted warmth of the ocean and mountain vista it will compliment any space.

Las Vegas Sign Digital Print

Taken again on another family trip! It’s pretty tricky to get a shot at this sign since there is always a long line of people. But thankfully this shot does really well on an angle. Even the power lines don’t look intrusive. This pice will always have a special place in my heart – it was my first Etsy sale!

Dessert Mountain Vista

Also taken on the same trip as mentioned above. We were driving to the Grand Canyon and this camper van was positioned perfectly. Desert shots can be tricky because the brightness can cause over exposure. So I’ve had to post process this a few times and decided on the warmer unsaturated tones. I love this for traveller in your life!

9 Habits to become unrecognizable in 6 months

I cannot take credit for this. But I really wanted to share it.
(Edit: all pictures are from Pinterest)

I’ve been following @Art0fLife_ on twitter for a few months and I love when people re-share their content. It means 1) it resonates with folks and 2) it needs to be shared more.

The 9 habits shared by @Art0fLife_ are very specific, so I’ll be sharing them with a more consistent mindset as opposed to a “follow this exactly to find results”.

Should preface by this saying, I’m will a Work in Progress. I do do a handful of these, but there are areas where I know I want to improve.

Image from Pinterest
Image from Pinterest
  1. Wake up early at the same time every day: really dependent on what time you go to sleep, but if you know the hours of sleep you need (somewhere between 6-8 for most of us) you can get into bed and get that sleep in consistently. Why wake up early? because you get time to yourself and it ensures you are ahead of everything and anyone
  2. Journal daily: Don’t know what to write? brain-dump, goals, gratitude list, thoughts that make you spiral. Getting things out of your head will dramatically improve your creativity and mental wellness.
  3. Learning/Studying for 30 min a day: This is so important for anyone and unfortunately we do less of it in mid life and beyond. Whether it studying certification material (hello scrum, agile, data or product) or hobby (wood work, coding, knitting, content creation). Learning creates increase neural pathways and can also help you create multiple income streams.
  4. Exercise daily for at least 30 min: not only for the physical side, but also for the mental wellness side. Consider ways to incorporate cardio (swimming, running) and resistance training (weight lifting, resistance or body weight exercises).
  5. Meditate for at least 5 min: Essentially sitting in silence or with a guided mentation will help you practice mindfulness and give your mind a break.
  6. Create a proper sleep schedule: including a wind down routine. This will do wonders for your performance, productivity and mood.
  7. Walk in nature: I love my forrest baths. Nature is a proven way to improve anxiety and increase happiness. It helps to also get the creative juices flowing. I would love to do this daily but it’s only once a week currently. Will be looking to improve this.
  8. Read 20 pages a day: read anything (fiction, non fiction, self dev, poems, history etc). Reading an actual book helps to improve focus and knowledge (even if that is just what a word means and how to spell it).
  9. Drink 2.5-3L of water daily: water is essential to our body and our recovery. So staying hydrated is key.
Image from Pinterest
Image from Pinterest

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