THEIR digital footprint

Posted on September 23, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

I made the decision about 3 weeks ago to go back to one of my first decisions as a parent, that is to NOT post my children’s pictures online.

(What sparked this re-decision? My older child telling me that I couldn’t post her baby pictures online as part of a birthday post about her on Facebook. What had happened was I had shown her the draft post and she said she didn’t want me to share the baby pictures. And I did it anyway. But this is my chance at doing right).

I originally decided this back in 2013-2014 because I didn’t want their privacy to be taken away. If I did post a picture, it would be a creatively composed photo as to not show details of their face. It was a lot of fun (from a creative standpoint) but also it felt like the right thing to do i.e. protect them.

But I slowly released my grip on on this idea (particularly on my private/personal IG and Facebook accounts) because I mean everyone posts their kids pictures online without a second thought right? What harm could it really cause?

And that I realized… we don’t know what we don’t know! We don’t actually know what harm it could cause!

Firstly, what we do know is that social media is making our society less social, more concerned with things that aren’t any of our business and obsessed with vanity metrics (likes and followers). Which in turn is bringing up a myriad of mental health issues, feelings of isolation and a constent need to “keep up with the Joneses”.

With all that said, there are some real positives to social media. There is a sense of community, a great place to share and receive inspiration and the memes can really brighten your day :) but the long term use of social media is still unknown. I mean, we don’t really know what having all that content, pictures, opinions and thoughts online will be like for us in the future. What effect it will have on us? And how future tech will be able to utilize all that data.

Secondly I’m ALWAYS reviewing and questioning my OWN online footprint. I’m always wondering if I am over sharing or putting something out there that I wouldn’t say in real life. And part of the answer is yes, because it’s easier to talk to a screen then be social (I feel like that’s a modern day human condition but also because I’m an introvert).

But in my own case, at least I can make changes, evaluate my online sharing and adjust as needed. But for what I’ve shared of my kids? Well they don’t/didn’t really have a say nor did they get a chance to adjust because I’ve been posting about them and because they aren’t online yet.

There is a sense of guilt (welcome to motherhood) with my kids pictures being up for the last 2-4 years, and unfortunately those will probably be up forever.

And for that I’m truly sorry girls!

Part of being a parent is improving and being better. Parenting for me is a journey and requires a lot of mindfulness. And this is one of those opportunities. It’s a chance to realize my mistake and fix it.

Do you share your kids pictures/achievements/tantrums online? Have you ever thought about how it would effect them into adolescence and adulthood?

Going to weddings with our kiddos

Posted on July 4, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

The last 2 weekends were spent busy with weddings. It’s definitely a different season of life we are in, as we are attending weddings as parents of two children.

Nowadays, we always come prepared with snacks and dinner (as food is usually not served at kid friendly times). We usually need to bring a stroller. Most of the rules we have at home go out the window for the night (i.e.: sure have some more cranberry juice, no veggies on your plate no problem!) Sitting on the floor to watch the bhangra performance is a rite of passage for a child at Indian weddings.

If you think taking kids to a wedding is a chore – you are right because you can’t really enjoy the wedding. Well that’s not entirely true sometimes you have friends and family who help out but usually it means you are leaving no later than 11:15pm. But taking your kids to a wedding (if it’s been approved by the bride and groom of course, usually Indian weddings are) is a perfect opportunity to practice teaching your kids respectful behaviour (i.e.: to be silent during the speeches or sitting still for a little longer than normal).

I personally know this time is FLEETING. There will come the day when my kids will say “nah we don’t want to come!!” :roll:

So I’ll enjoy taking them along while they don’t know they have a choice ;-)

Lolo’s 2nd birthday

Posted on May 1, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

Holy shIt this is a long post! I wanted share some photos of E’s birthday celebrations and I didn’t know exactly what to write. And then the words just started flying off from my fingers to the key board to the screen. I decided to publish this for my memories and for Miss E if she ever wants to know how she entered the world…!

I still remember the days leading up to Lolo’s birth 2 years ago. It all started on the Friday before she was born, March 3 2017. Our current family of 3 had gone out to dinner and started to walk around the mall letting Miss S ride the coin rides, a typical family date night tradition for us that we had become accustom to for about a year at that point.

As we were walking around the mall, I started getting intense pains – which I honestly though were gas. Gas that was coming and going. Thinking back on it, the pain was pretty intense in that I had to stop walking and just hold a chair, wall, pillar – really anything for support. I know now they were contractions, but they weren’t consistent and went away later on that night.

The next day I also had the contraction pains on and off, but again by the evening when we headed to my in laws for dinner, all the pain had disappeared. I figured I was going to go into labour soon, I just thought I was a 3-5 days away. I was really banking on being able to take my vacation starting Wednesday of that coming work week, but I really should have taken a clue from when I was pregnant with Miss S – these girls won’t let me take a vacation 😜

Sunday March 5 2017, around 10:30am, contractions started again and quickly became very regular. I was focused on my breathing telling Miss S that I was doing “yoga breathing”. And she knew something else was going on. I’ll always remember to this day what she said to me: “mummy, you are doing yoga breathing because my baby sister is coming soon”.

We put down Miss S for her nap and Mister A started tracking the contractions on an app. They were getting closer but because I had 2 days of disappearing contractions I figured I should take a shower to calm down. Before getting in the shower, we called my parents to let them know the status. I continue to have contractions in the shower and it was then I realized this might be the real deal. I got out of the shower got dressed, called my parents, got emotional, they said they were on their way, so I did my make up and Mister A loaded up the car. By the time my parents arrived I was in full on labour but doing a good job of breathing through the pain. My dad said that if the baby was coming to just pull over and call 911 as they could deliver the baby on the side of the road. 😬

We started to pull out of our neighbourhood only to realize I had forgotten my purse…! So we turned around to grab it. The next 27 minutes were a blur but completely reminiscent of a movie scene of the husband trying to speed to the hospital with his labouring wife screaming at him to drive faster.

We arrived at the hospital around 3:35pm. On the walk up to labour & delivery triage I had 2 contractions and was even offered a wheel chair by a nurse who was returning to her shift. I declined and continued having contractions but waddled and breathed my way through them. As soon as I got to the desk I told them I wanted a female doctor with slender fingers. They asked if it as my first and I said no, and everyone went into serious mode: “She’s 38-5, multips, we need to get her checked”. I got checked and I was 7cm (way further along than I was expecting). I told the nurse I had to use the washroom, and she warned me not to push 😟

I remember them clearly saying “she’s multips, mother is multips, multips wants an epidural, multips x min apart”. I finally asked what “multips” was, the nurse told me that mothers of multiple (multips = multiple) children usually go through the last phase of labour pretty fast – so they wanted to act quickly. Within 20 min of being admitted I was in a labour room and they had called for the anesthesiologist. I was 8cm when I got the epidural and I was glad to finally have had it. It was around 4:30pm when I finally was able to just lay back. But not for long…! The nurse was in and out checking the monitors, fixing the catheter, adjusting my position. Mister A had to make all the calls, take pictures, call the nurse when I had questions. Around 5:50, I was checked again and it was time to push. I pushed maybe 4-5 times and the doctor told me to stop. Turns out the cord was wrapped around her neck twice hence why the nurse had to keep checking the monitors and adjusting me.

Miss E was born at 6:12pm on Sunday March 5 2017. She cried non stop until about 8:30pm. Mister A asked I could put her back 😬

All sarcasm aside, she is our cuddle bug and she completes our family. She has the most mischievous yet contagious smile, she loves broccoli and running after sister. She’s very stubborn and head strong because she knows what she wants. She reminds me every day that kids are not obligated to their parents. She and her sister always show me that they belong to this earth and we can only guide them to be strong, independent and good people.

Warmer Weather Wish List 2019

Posted on March 25, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

We are officially in the dog days of winter! There isn’t any more expected snow fall but the temps are still pretty chilly. The grey and brown snow banks are slowly melting away and there is more sunlight in the early evenings. Like most Canadians, we are ready to pack away the cold weather gear and usher in the fresh Spring air.

Along with thinking about all the fun things to do as the weather warms up (honestly the simple things like opening the windows in the house 😂), I do get excited about shopping my closet to re-aquaint myself with all of my warm weather outfits.

But I thought I’d put this quick wish list together in an attempt to ignore the still quite frigid temperatures!

The grass is greener where you water it

Posted on February 20, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

I recently wrote an article for an Employee Resource Group that I am part of. The topic I was given was the “Science behind happiness”. Although I was given this topic to write about, I became fascinated by the research behind happiness. Everything I read and presented in this article aligns with my thoughts so I figured I’d share my piece here too!

Did you know there is scientific research behind being happy? Believe it or not, happiness is not just reserved for the few lucky ones amongst us. Rather, every one of us can control our own happiness. Sonja Lyubomirsky renowned social psychologist and Ph.D. from Stanford has found that although 50% of our happiness is rooted in our genetics, the remaining combination is 10% our circumstances and 40% of our intentional activities.

So what exactly does that mean? Even though the science states that 50% of our happiness is due to our genetics, it’s actually an indirect relation, meaning there is always room for improvement – we can influence our genetic happiness by our experience and behaviour. More importantly, the other 50% of our happiness is essentially controlled by being aware of our circumstance and intentional about our thoughts, outlook and actions. Everyone has a choice and we can easily choose to be happy.

Why is this important? Being happy increases self-regulatory and coping abilities. Some scientists say that it can strengthen your immune system, make you more energetic and even allow you to enjoy a longer life. Plus, being happy is contagious! If you are happy and around happy people – the happiness keeps growing!

How can one practice cultivating happiness? Many of us may look to our careers, partners, family/children or other external forces to influence our happiness. What we need to remember is that happiness isn’t something we find, it’s something we create and practice daily. The research shows that activities we initiate from ourselves such as maintaining our fitness levels, counting one’s blessings and pursing personal goals are the key to happiness. Here are some other ways to cultivate happiness in your life:

– Practice acts of kindness (volunteering or charity work)

– Practice daily gratitude

– Avoid social comparisons

– Pursue a hobby

– Nurture relationships

– Focus on spirituality or a religious practices that speak to you

– Avoid over consumption on Social Media

– Taking care of your body and mind (being physically active, practicing self-care, meditating)

Goal Set 2019

Posted on January 7, 2019 by Bhanu Misra Marya

Well we are officially into our first week of 2019, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t put any thoughts into new years goals. This year I wanted to keep it somewhat open ended and rather give myself room to explore where I want to be able to grow in 2019. Below are some areas I am working on this year!

1) Make our house our Home

2) Get educated

3) Practice creative consistency

4) Improve my self care activities

5) Keep focus on my wellness journey

6) Quality time for the relationships that really matter in my life

And there you have it – and yes that is the easy part.

When I used to have a gym membership, I remember the first 3 weeks of January it was so packed I’d have to wait for a cardio machine! But by February 1st, we were back to the regular gym crowd and having several treadmills always available to choose from.

It’s simple to write down the goals you want to work towards but actually reaching the goals is the hard part. From my own experience, I know that if you really want to achieve something, you have to “be ready” to (aka your mind has to “be ready”). And by that I mean, put in the time and effort, do the hard things and be flexible on the path.

So here are some tips to help you strive for progress while working towards your new year goals:

1️⃣ Use a Habit Tracker: a great way to mark that tiny step you took towards your goal is by tracking it. Checking a checkbox can be very satisfying and a great motivator for continued progress.
2️⃣ Set a Challenge for 30 Days: It could be that you want do 100 squats a day, cut out refined sugar or drink 8 glasses of water – try doing it for 30 days. Better yet start your 30 day challenge in February or March. It greatly reduces the stress around resolutions failing at the beginning of the year and also lets you try out something without a major commitment.
3️⃣ Reward yourself: I think this is the most important one. Try setting mini milestones and associated rewards when you reach them. It might be getting your nails done or buying new running new gear. Celebrating even the tiniest of wins is great for productivity and performance. Your brain will start to link pleasure with reaching a goal and continue to strive for that in the future.