I normally read books on my e-reader or borrow books from the library. But I do this so that I only buy books that really touch me and inspire me so much so, that I NEED to have them in my house at close proximity at any time. I don’t like busy shelves with books collecting dust so I am very selective with my books!
I’ve ready 4.5 of the books above. One that has sparked my interest and there other I read during undergrad (required reading) that I just want to read again.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a fire side chat hosted by a panel of working moms.
I am in a phase of my life where I look for inspiration from other moms, namely other working moms. I love receiving advice on how to find a complementary lifestyle between career and home, but also other important facets of one’s life like hobbies, fitness and personal growth.
Being in a technology / software development industry, I mainly hear from women in IT. But this group of mom’s was different kind of panel: they were a group of working mom’s in health care.
Yep doctors…! The type of people who give up their lives for the wellness of others. Surprisingly, what they deal with as mom’s is the same as what every other mom deals with!
Thought I’d share some of the topics that were discussed:
Who agrees with me that we should rename mothers day to Mother Figures day.
We need to be more understanding to the people who don’t have a mom, to the people who’s relationship with their mom is strained at best, to the people who dread this day because it makes them feel inferior, to the people who’s dad’s, grand parent, step parent, foster parent, aunt/uncle are mother figures, to the mom’s who just want a moment of quiet without the feelings of guilt and definitely to the mom’s who don’t think they are doing anything right (when they are actually doing everything right!)
If there is anything I’ve learned in the almost 5 years of being a mom is that it’s a thankless job. It’s both exhilarating and anxiety inducing. It’s a job where you have to be flexible and ready to change to keep growing and build something real. It’s a job where you have to remain calm when everything is chaotic. A job where transparent communication are critical to success. A job where you have to lead with love (especially on the days you want to punch a wall or throw your coffee mug at a window).
But with all that said it doesn’t take a certain type of person, certain type of pregnancy, birth experience or even a certain type of upbringing to be a good mom.
To be a good mom you just have be a good human.
So if you are a good human or you know a good human who deserves a treat (mom, mom figure or non mom) hopefully you can find some inspiration below :)
Being a mom is hard. Being a mom in today’s world is hard. Mom’s are working 24/7. Some are being moms while possibly handling a business, others are working 7-10 hrs outside of the home and then coming home to do the most important work of all – being a mom! We are pushed and pulled in a million different directions, sometimes out of our own decisions and often because we are needed (or think we are needed). We put everyone else’s needs before our own, we are nurturers by nature, we cater to everyone, we feel like our homes need to be clean all the time, we eat left overs from our kids plates and drink cold coffee or tea. We no longer have the same level of community that mothers of previous generations relied on. And I don’t know if an online community of moms is the same thing? I mean can you call them over in a pinch to watch your kid? I am sure that mom’s have been judged for centuries, but it feels that we need to raise our children and break glass ceilings all at the same time.
And if all that wasn’t enough, we are dealing with a level of social comparison that is so intense it’s creating anxiety and unnecessary stress around holidays and special occasions.
Around valentines I read an Instagram post by a mom who didn’t feel compelled to send heart shaped sandwiches in her kids lunch, she didn’t bother getting valentines for her kid’s classmates or dressing her kids in red or pink. She made the point because her feed was filled with other moms who were doing all the “things” to make the holiday “special” for kids. She didn’t feel like doing any of it and wondered if she was the only one feeling inadequate.
I totally get it. I completely agree that making magic is a tiresome task. It’s yet another thing we need to add to our to do lists.
That said, I want to still do it.
I still want to put in the energy. I still want to be present for those silly hallmark moments or cheesy opportunities to add a smile to my kid’s day. I still want to make magic for them during the holidays. Because that magic isn’t JUST for them, it isn’t for sharing on social media, it’s for me and my memories too.
The problem here is the social media aspect of it. When you are doing something for external validation, its never going to feel right. So in the end you have to do what you feel is going to work for you, even if your friends are doing something different or when someone you admire isn’t on the same page as you. It’s about being true to yourself and not about putting yourself out there to be judged by strangers on the internet 😚
Holy shIt this is a long post! I wanted share some photos of E’s birthday celebrations and I didn’t know exactly what to write. And then the words just started flying off from my fingers to the key board to the screen. I decided to publish this for my memories and for Miss E if she ever wants to know how she entered the world…!
I still remember the days leading up to Lolo’s birth 2 years ago. It all started on the Friday before she was born, March 3 2017. Our current family of 3 had gone out to dinner and started to walk around the mall letting Miss S ride the coin rides, a typical family date night tradition for us that we had become accustom to for about a year at that point.
As we were walking around the mall, I started getting intense pains – which I honestly though were gas. Gas that was coming and going. Thinking back on it, the pain was pretty intense in that I had to stop walking and just hold a chair, wall, pillar – really anything for support. I know now they were contractions, but they weren’t consistent and went away later on that night.
The next day I also had the contraction pains on and off, but again by the evening when we headed to my in laws for dinner, all the pain had disappeared. I figured I was going to go into labour soon, I just thought I was a 3-5 days away. I was really banking on being able to take my vacation starting Wednesday of that coming work week, but I really should have taken a clue from when I was pregnant with Miss S – these girls won’t let me take a vacation 😜
Sunday March 5 2017, around 10:30am, contractions started again and quickly became very regular. I was focused on my breathing telling Miss S that I was doing “yoga breathing”. And she knew something else was going on. I’ll always remember to this day what she said to me: “mummy, you are doing yoga breathing because my baby sister is coming soon”.
We put down Miss S for her nap and Mister A started tracking the contractions on an app. They were getting closer but because I had 2 days of disappearing contractions I figured I should take a shower to calm down. Before getting in the shower, we called my parents to let them know the status. I continue to have contractions in the shower and it was then I realized this might be the real deal. I got out of the shower got dressed, called my parents, got emotional, they said they were on their way, so I did my make up and Mister A loaded up the car. By the time my parents arrived I was in full on labour but doing a good job of breathing through the pain. My dad said that if the baby was coming to just pull over and call 911 as they could deliver the baby on the side of the road. 😬
We started to pull out of our neighbourhood only to realize I had forgotten my purse…! So we turned around to grab it. The next 27 minutes were a blur but completely reminiscent of a movie scene of the husband trying to speed to the hospital with his labouring wife screaming at him to drive faster.
We arrived at the hospital around 3:35pm. On the walk up to labour & delivery triage I had 2 contractions and was even offered a wheel chair by a nurse who was returning to her shift. I declined and continued having contractions but waddled and breathed my way through them. As soon as I got to the desk I told them I wanted a female doctor with slender fingers. They asked if it as my first and I said no, and everyone went into serious mode: “She’s 38-5, multips, we need to get her checked”. I got checked and I was 7cm (way further along than I was expecting). I told the nurse I had to use the washroom, and she warned me not to push 😟
I remember them clearly saying “she’s multips, mother is multips, multips wants an epidural, multips x min apart”. I finally asked what “multips” was, the nurse told me that mothers of multiple (multips = multiple) children usually go through the last phase of labour pretty fast – so they wanted to act quickly. Within 20 min of being admitted I was in a labour room and they had called for the anesthesiologist. I was 8cm when I got the epidural and I was glad to finally have had it. It was around 4:30pm when I finally was able to just lay back. But not for long…! The nurse was in and out checking the monitors, fixing the catheter, adjusting my position. Mister A had to make all the calls, take pictures, call the nurse when I had questions. Around 5:50, I was checked again and it was time to push. I pushed maybe 4-5 times and the doctor told me to stop. Turns out the cord was wrapped around her neck twice hence why the nurse had to keep checking the monitors and adjusting me.
Miss E was born at 6:12pm on Sunday March 5 2017. She cried non stop until about 8:30pm. Mister A asked I could put her back 😬
All sarcasm aside, she is our cuddle bug and she completes our family. She has the most mischievous yet contagious smile, she loves broccoli and running after sister. She’s very stubborn and head strong because she knows what she wants. She reminds me every day that kids are not obligated to their parents. She and her sister always show me that they belong to this earth and we can only guide them to be strong, independent and good people.
I’ve always been interested in how the brain works and how we can train our minds to accomplish our goals. Lately I’ve been more in tune with information specifically around learning and focusing.
I was listening to a podcast recently where I heard Jim Kwik made 2 really interesting points. He called our minds a (1) super computer and (2) that our minds are always eavesdropping on our self talk. I made an immediate connection: our minds will believe what it hears us saying to ourselves. Our self talk can be hugely centered around what our current focus is on. Whether it be school test, huge assignment at work, a negative situation or a happy moment – our mind will be listening.
I think it’s extreamly important to train our minds to think positively. I’ve always been a realest, so changing my mindset to be more positive has been a challenge. But one way to practice positive thinking is by creating a vision board. I’ve made a few over the past several years and I’ve found that it always sets me up for success. Maybe it’s subconscious or maybe it’s about how attention and energy compliment each other, but a quick google search will show you how many other people have used vision boards to bring focus to their life. Vision boards can help with goal setting by:
I decided to introduce Miss S to the process and journey of the vision board. I actually called it a dream board with her and I explained to her what it was and what it’s used for. She was happy to use glue, scissors and sparkle paint but surprisingly was also engaged in trying to think of the things she wanted try, learn, have or do.
The night before the exercise we discussed stuff she might want to do or see in the summer and in SK. So I got an idea of what types of images to print. I also printed some extra stuff that she didn’t mention to see if she would gravitate to those images. What was interesting was that she picked up things we hadn’t discussed and also told me she didn’t want to use images of things she mentioned in our conversation.
And now that she has her dream board hanging on her wall it’s a constant source of inspiration and a conversation trigger at bed time. Best part of doing this exercise with her? Was it actually pushed me to complete my own vision board!