Another year of fasting for Karva Chauth is over.

I always have to psych myself up for this day.  All the traditions to remember, what goes where in my thali, trying to remember to not use a knife/scissors/nail clippers/sewing needle all day and then trying to recall the Hindi/Sanskrit poems I should know by now, it all makes me nervous because I feel like I’ll fail miserably.

On top of all that, the idea of not eating food for the entire day makes me very anxious because 1) I usually eat quite often in the day and 2) I hate being hungry.

The truth is I usually forget something in my thali, I always touch a knife or scissors (multiples before I make a conscious effort to not), I can’t even pronounce some of the words (thanks to my thick Canadian accent 😂) – but you know what? That’s ok!  And even the fasting part – it’s more mind over matter. And when it’s all over and done with – it’s like “huh – that wasn’t so bad!”.

Although this year, I actually felt something different.  It almost felt like resentfulness towards the idea of participating in Karva Chauth or questioning the whole thing…

Why am I still doing this?

I really wondered if the occasion was getting to be too conservative for me.  If I was doing it more for the elders than for myself/the mister. Was it really a good use of my time?  Was I diverging with my own personal opinions on the unfair treatment of women against the patriarchy. Was I showing my girls that I believed in archaic ideas and historic gender norms?

Aside from all of these thoughts, I continued on with my fast.  But honestly, going through these questions in my mind gave me a refreshed my reasoning on participating in the fast.

I remembered why I started fasting on this day. It was because for years and years I watch my mom get up before the sunrise to do her small puja and eat the sargi she prepared for herself.  When I was younger I knew I wanted to do the same.

I believe in being married and I am grateful for the relationship the Mister and I share (granted it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but I am thankful to be on this journey with him).  So it gives him and I a scheduled day (yes – I said scheduled) to show our appreciation to each other.

I also realized that, having the girls see me participate in this particular cultural event is more so to teach them about who they are and the culture they are descendants.  How beautiful is it to think that as a second generation Indian Canadian they may grow up to continue this tradition because they found inspiration from me! They also get to see how I make these traditions my own, how I take what works for me and keep things light and fun – so as to not get bogged down with conservative details but to smile and be thankful for what I cherish.

Most importantly, it gives me an opportunity to pay attention to my body, the time of day, how much activity I’m partaking in.  A moment to pause, reflect and be mindful during the course of the day.

Lastly and definitely not least… who doesn’t log getting decked out in their most ornate clothes, complete with accessories galore and letting your husband and in laws paper you – definitely a perk!